Wearing MasksWritten by Laurel A. Aiyana
Early in childhood, I learned to where masks to hide who I my true self. Fear of rejection from my parents, particularly my mother paralyzed me, so I stayed in my room as much as possible, and talked little. When I did speak up, I would never say anything contrary to any authority figure for fear of punishment, denial of love, or rejection. To have my true self rejected, ultimate punishment, led to wearing masks. At least, if personality under mask seemed out of step, I could consider myself redeemed by knowledge that it wasn’t my true self. My mother ranted and raved at me to share my thoughts. If these thoughts misaligned with her thinking, she cried and piled on guilt. Once I decided I would be happier living with my father, and I mistakenly voiced this opinion. After screaming that I would never be allowed to live with him, my mother cried for three days. Scenes such as this, reinforced necessary creation of false face, which I carried into adulthood.After years of visits to psychologist couch, I finally got some pastoral counseling which made me aware of lack of self-worth issues that had developed from false face. I decided to work at finding out who real person behind mask truly was, as I had no idea at this point, having considered mask reality for so long. For my string of relationships I’d turn into person they wanted me to be, as I had done so long before for my mother. My second husband liked to go to track, so I pretended to like to go to horse track with him, and go to all 5K races he’d run in. At first, I enjoyed fact that I had won his heart, but after time, I realized most of my life consisted of doing things I didn’t enjoy, and I stopped cold turkey attending these events, especially after ex had gambled away $30,000. He starred into space wondering what happened to person he thought he’d married. I had revealed my true fact, although it wasn’t one he had married, and marriage, for all intensive purposes ended that day even prior to gavel of judge declaring it so. After my divorce, I decided to spend some time without husbands or any significant other in my life, to heal and discover who person in mirror each morning truly represented. I thought I had myself figured out, when three years later, I decided to date. I had waited long enough, and wanted a relationship. At this time, I had retired at a young age on permanent disability with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Concerned this detracted from my value; I dressed myself like a Barbie doll, and downplayed illness. Before I realized path chosen, I pretended to like actually participating in sports, which, I absolutely hated, and as this new person gave me a list of what they considered fun, I acted like this would be things I’d like to do with him.
| | HAVE YOU EVER SAW AN ANGEL?Written by Irvin L. Rozier
Hebrews 1 verse 14 "Are they not all ministering spirits, sent forth to minister for them who shall be heirs of salvation?"The following is a testimony of two incidents where I believe God sent an angel to minister unto me: In July 1993, I was driving down highway during a blazing hot day. There, beside rode, was an elderly gentleman hitchhiking. He was dressed up in a suit and had a small bag of belongings with him. The Lord spoke, and said, "Pick up this man." At this command, I stopped my old Datsun truck and offered him a ride. He gladly accepted as he pulled out a handkerchief and wiped sweat from his face. I introduced myself and asked him where he was going. He said he was going to Washington, D.C. As he began to talk, I felt presence of Lord. This man was of a swarthy complexion. He said he was an Eskimo and came from Puerto Rico where he had been in seminary. He showed me a military identification card that reflected that he was a retired Colonel, U.S. Marines. He spoke 12 languages fluently. As I pondered this information, this verse of scripture popped into my mind, "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers; for thereby some have entertained angels unawares" (Hebrews 13.2). The Lord spoke to me and told me to take him forty miles to Jesup (Amtrak station), and to give him that $100 I had in my pocket. I obeyed. Out of mouth of this man came answers to some of my prayers I had prayed. One of these prayers was about going to Washington, D.C. I later went on this mission, and Lord used me in a great way. On 28 February, 2004, after church, the
|
