Example 2: I will become more efficient at work by a) taking on less work, b) avoiding interruptions, and c) spending my time on high priority projects.

Much more effective: I will become more efficient at work by a) meeting with my boss each week to discuss what is high priority and what can be delegated, b) designating a daily block of time when my door will be closed and I won't answer phone, and c) choosing one high priority task for each of those blocks of time.

Step 7. Identify not only what you will do, but WHEN you will do it. This step, more than any other, may make difference between good intentions and actual results. It is essential to designate time for actions you will take, or they simply won't happen. To be realistic, this means that you will have to eliminate or reduce time that you were formerly spending on something else. If you try to stuff a new goal into your current routine, you're likely to achieve only greater levels of stress and frustration.

NOTE: If you can't realistically fit your intentions into your daily life, go back to steps 1 and 6 and reduce number of goals and/or actions. Far better to choose fewer steps and get them done, than to dream over a longer wish list.

Step 8. Create visual reminders and tracking systems for each action step, and put them where you cannot help but see them. (Otherwise... out of sight, out of mind.)

In other words, don't just decide to walk 6 times a week – put an exercise calendar on your refrigerator and write down when you walk. Similarly, don't just decide to meet regularly with your boss – schedule meetings for every Monday on your calendar and use them to make a list of high-priority tasks that you post by your phone.

Step 9. Create allies and a support structure.

If you keep your goals to yourself, it's much easier to let them slide. But if you let a few friends or coworkers know about them, your resolve will automatically be higher and you may create helpful allies – coworkers who are less likely to interrupt when your door is shut, or friends who will offer words of encouragement.

An even stronger step is to ask someone with a similar goal to partner with you, or arrange to check in with a friend, family member, or coach on a regular basis. You can even hire one of your kids to help track your efforts – they will welcome opportunity to remind you of what you are supposed to be doing!

Step 10. Reward yourself by finding ways to celebrate benefits of what you achieve.

To truly make your goal a work-in-progress, instead of some distant possibility, reap benefits as you go along. Have you made progress toward your target weight? Consider buying a new outfit that feels comfortable and attractive, or joining that health club you were too self-conscious to go into last year. Have you met an important deadline on time without taking work home? Reward yourself by spending an evening doing something special with people you care about.

Copyright © 2004 by Ruth Anderson

Instead of seeing manager as just another person whose job happens to be to give others instructions about how to do their jobs, Angeliques of world see managers differently. They see managers as enemies with whom they need to struggle to prove that they are independent and autonomous.

Supervisors at work, and significant others in private life, are prime targets for their need to establish their independence by repeatedly creating and resolving power struggles.

Creating Appropriate Limits

Angelique had managed to create a power struggle with Ellen, and Ellen, like many forward thinking managers, was confused about what to do. Although she did not want to be Angelique’s parent, she did need to provide firm, matter-of-fact consequences for any team member who ignored important rules.

When Angelique experiences this discipline she can decide whether or not to give up struggle and act like a mature adult in workplace. Whether Ellen likes it or not, she probably can’t help Angelique to become a productive member of unit without providing these consequences.

Ellen confirmed that this was probably necessary. She knows that Angelique grew up in a wealthy, overindulgent family, that Angelique’s father purchased a house for her to live in, and she has few financial responsibilities. Ellen noted, “She has trouble setting appropriate limits for some of patients she works with, too. Is this another sign of her need for limits?

Once situation became clear, Ellen created a plan. She decided to warn Angelique that if she does not follow units guidelines about working hours and appropriate notification this month, she will have to punch time clock next month, and will have written notice warning her of termination placed in her file. If she does not follow procedures with time clock, she will then be terminated.

Ellen was relieved. I want to get out of power struggle and supervise her appropriately. She is certainly intelligent enough to keep her job if she wants it.

Laurie Weiss, Ph.D., is an internationally known executive coach, psychotherapist, and author.

Laurie Weiss, Ph.D., Master Certified Coach, mycoachingbio Expert Coaching for Personal and Working Relationships Empowerment Systems, 506 West Davies Way, Littleton, CO 80120 303-794-5379 Fax 303-794-5408, www.empowermentsystems.com

For more Secrets for Turning Difficult Conversations into Amazing Opportunities for Cooperation and Success visit Laurie at www.DareToSayIt.com