“So, instead of keep score regarding who reaches out, why not jump at opportunity to move into your own personal power by being one to reach out? Why not be in gratitude that you have privilege of practicing being a loving and compassionate person?”

“Wow!” responded Shelly. “I never thought of it that way! I like that! I always do feel great when I let go of blame and open my heart. Seeing this as I ‘get’ to be one to reach out rather than I ‘have’ to be one to reach out makes all difference!”

“How are you feeling about this Stan?” I asked.

“Well, I can see that I often feel like a victim and it feels terrible. I get so stuck in being angry and waiting for Shelly to fix it. I waste days feeling badly. What a waste! And even when she does finally reach out or we just reconnect because time has passed, I’m still stuck with some bad feelings. I can see that I’m choosing to be a victim rather than move into my power. Somehow, I thought that I was being powerful by being angry and waiting and I just ended up feeling terrible.”

We are not in power when we are angry and blaming. We are in power when we are behaving in a way that we value. The more responsibility we take for conflict and for resolution, better we feel. There is a Hawaiian Huna prayer, called Ho'oponopono, that is about taking full 100% responsibility for everything through all time:

"Divine creator, father, mother, son as one. If I, my family, relatives and ancestors have offended you, your family, relatives and ancestors in thoughts, words, deeds and actions from beginning of our creation to present, we ask your forgiveness. Let this cleanse, purify, release, cut all negative memories, blocks, energies and vibrations and transmute these unwanted energies to pure light. And it is done."

I have found that when I take full 100% responsibility for any conflict, regardless of who started it or who I believe is at fault, I feel wonderful. If I wait for other person, I feel terrible. Which do you want?

Example:

If “Tom” has a primary language of touch—then hugs, kisses, and caresses would be appropriate to say Thank You.

If “Tom” has a primary language of gifts -- then perhaps a new golf club or video game might be nice to say Thank You.

If “Tom” primarily speaks love language of words of affirmation—then be sure to praise him during and after his service.

If “Tom” leans towards love language of quality time—then go someplace alone to hang out and spend time together, or send kids to bed early so you can cuddle and talk.

Finally, If indeed “Tom” primarily values love through giving and receiving of acts of service then find some ways for you to contribute to his life through some acts of service—pick up dry cleaning, wash his car, have dinner ready get house & kids cleaned before he gets home etc.

As I have told several of you…. We speak 5 unique languages.

It is not enough to just pick one and speak it to everyone in house.

If your son or daughter are “touch” kids and you primarily use words of affirmation to show love… chances are they are not feeling ALL love you are trying to show. A simple hug, or touching of toes while watching a video would go much much further for that “touch” kid.

Each person is unique. And they develop their own world accordingly. It actually is possible to be showing someone a HUGE amount of love—yet they complain they are not loved at all / or at least enough. This is a simple sad truth. The reason for it is they register love primarily in a love language that you are not using to give back.

So let’s fix that !!

If you are in a family or friendship with someone that is feeling under appreciated—take an inventory to discover their primary love language.

Then try for 20 days to daily show them 3 small doses of love in THEIR love language of choice.

When it is all done after 20 days… send me an email and tell me of all differences that came about from your giving love in way they needed it.

Until next time-- all best, Kate

Re-print Rights: You may use this article in it's entirety, all that I ask is that you contact me with an email here: ( kate @ comedreamwithme.com ) to let me know. Thanks for support!