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WHAT IS POLITENESS?
Etiquette and good manners sort of level
playing field in your head. It means how you act regardless of whom you’re with. Therefore it shows more about you than about other, i.e., Dave Barry’s quote that someone who’s nice to you, but not nice to water, is not a nice person.
And BTW, point of being nice isn’t to be popular; it’s about smoothing out daily interactions. Etiquette eliminates a lot of friction that drives us all nuts. We can all be little beasties. That’s why dinner manner developed … there we all are with sharp instruments in our hands.
SOME ETIQUETTE TIPS:
1.If you haven’t figured out yet that you have a choice how you feel, act and think, and that they affect your health, do some reading, get some coaching, get enlightened. 2.Your Emotional Intelligence, your ability to manage yourself and your relationships (of all kinds), affects your success, happiness, and health. 3.Learn where silverware goes. One reason people are nasty is because they feel inferior, and there are books you can read and courses you can take that will get you to a level where you’re comfortable. Here, I can tell you in one sentence something that will help: “Work silverware from outside in.” (There’s more, but not a whole lot more.) 4.Say “please,” “thank you,” “you’re welcome,” and “I apologize.” (I apologize is great, BTW, because that you can always do, while you may not really “be sorry” in strictest sense of term. (Hey, I’m a pundit!) 5.Ask permission. You may intend to take a cell phone call during lunch one way or another, but politeness dictates you ask (“I’m expecting an important call I must take. Do you mind?”). The beauty is politeness will dictate they respond, “Why no, I don’t mind at all.” See how it works? 6.Read Emily Post (in its 16th edition). Would it help persuade you to know it’s listed on www.navyadvancement.com ? 7.Pay attention to small things. Walk on righte side, let others in front of you in line when you can afford to (it’s good self-discipline), smile, use people’s names, pass salt and pepper, offer to get something or do something for someone else once in a while. 8.Don’t put people who use good manners in penalty box. There’s a creeping sentiment these days that someone who says please and thank you is a lightweight. 9.Keep some boundaries. It used to be not everyone wanted to hear about your sex life, religious preference or political persuasion. Nowadays there are 50 additional things not imagined 25 years ago that we don’t want to hear about. Save it.
THE PAY OFF
Reduced friction. Less stress.
Studies show repeatedly that money is not top reason why people stay at jobs. They want an environment of respectfulness, and to feel meaning and purpose in what they do. Etiquette accomplishes both. If you’re in a respectful situation, you respect situation. Get it?
© Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach and Consultant, http://www.susandunn.cc . Susan is the author of “Why Manners Matter: EQ at Work, at Home, at Play” and other ebooks on important matters. She offers individual coaching in emotional intelligence and etiquette. She also trains and certifies EQ coaches. For FREE EQ ezine, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc with “ezine” for subject line.
