The Parent Teen Relationship

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Fortunately, tools required for such a relationship can be easily taught, although putting them into practice will take a little more effort. Just telling teens what to do rarely works so parents will need to initiate change and use tools with their teen.

Once your relationship has changed with your teen, you will both be in a better position to tackle other relationships in your teen’s life.

How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Teen

1. Listen to their point of view. Put yourself in their shoes and see world through their eyes. Ask them how it makes them feel.

2. Understand what makes them tick. Look for differences between you and them and then learn more about them.

3. Accept them for who they are. Differentiate between them as a person and their behaviour. Ask for behaviour to change but accept them as they are.

4. Acknowledge their presence. Look for what they do that’s positive and verbalise your appreciation. Appreciate what they don’t do as well as what they do.

5. Give them space. Teens need privacy, not just in their bedrooms but also in their thoughts. Avoid interrogation techniques and opt for genuine interest.

Carol Shepley has been involved with teenagers for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website http://www.growingupmatters.com so that parents can help their teens become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults.

Teenagers Taking Risks

1. If at all possible, enrol your teen in a class or organisation where they can test their limits in a relatively safe environment eg sports, dance, scouts/guides, army/navy/air cadets.

2. For those that need to prove themselves, give them chores that allow them to show off their new found physical strengths; re-think chores they do to see if there are some more suited to their abilities. Receiving success, achievement and a sense of self-worth at home reduces need to look for it elsewhere.

3. Use language associated with 'I'm Invincible' to acknowledge your teen in day-to-day life. Words such as courage, brave, strong, determined, overcome, etc, can also be used to motivate your teen.

4. Examine your own fears; are your fears based on objective, rational information, or have they been exacerbated by other peoples' stories or news reports. Get facts not media hype.

5. Explain your fears to your teen by expressing concern over what others might do. If you express doubt in their abilities you will just make them more determined to prove you wrong. Eg "I don't want you riding your bike late at night because drivers are more likely to have accidents then" is much more readily received than "I don't want you riding your bike late at night because you might have an accident".

6. Do not use evidence of their mistakes to do 'I told you so'. Recognise mistakes as valuable learning, and then acknowledge learning as you would any other type of learning.
   
   

   Carol Shepley has been involved with teenagers for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website http://www.growingupmatters.com so that parents can help their teens become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults.