The Gambling TripWritten by Chris Bradford & Brande McCreee
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I hollered "CASH OUT!!!!!!" Weeell, that gave us a little money to keep gambling with. So we took money and started feeding it to slot machines again. Jane had hit pretty good a couple of times. But, after dinner luck just didn?t go our way. Barb was broke (except for $20 she had in her pocket that she was hiding from us). Jane had a bucket of coins, but Barb kept snatching handfuls. I was so broke I could barely pay attention . Oh, I nearly forgot to mention, and I don't remember in what order everything happened in, but we were walking thru casino singing a lot of time and walking down stairs in arm in arm and in unison kicking our legs out like showroom girls, and tossing paper airplanes around casino. We left casino around 10 pm and decided to head to a place Barb had heard about. The only problem was. She knew it was in Kansas City, but didn?t know where! So we go for a bunny ride. After getting a real good tour of city, I finally gave in and stopped for directions. Being man that I am, I wasn?t about to go ask. So, Jane and I sent Barb in. This was sort of a seedy side of town, so we kept a close eye on her as she walked into quick shop. Right before Barb walked out door a young woman walks up to car. She said "She's in there asking my uncle bout how to get to this place and she ain?t understanding what he is saying cause he is talking fast.? (Barb walks up now.) This young woman continues (holding her brown paper bag with her bottle in it) "Y?all need to take your butt ... oh.. pardon my language... take your butt that way (pointing) on 9th Street, then turn left on whatever street, and then turn back on someother street". Then, she pauses, looks at us for a second, and says... "Oh!! You be looking for them frigging rich folks clubs!!! Don't get me wrong.. I like rich folks better than I do poor folks. A lot better!" She kept rambling on as Jane, Barb, and I started just cracking up. It was hilarious. Pretty soon her uncle came out of quick shop and told her to quit bothering these rich folks and ran her off. We followed Uncle's directions and pretty soon wound up in area of "Rich Folks Clubs". Jane, Barb, and I walked around a little and tried to beg a slice of pizza off a policeman with no luck. We ended up in this country and western bar with a dance floor and a mechanical bull. We sat down a bit and had a drink or four and watched bull riders. Jane and Barb kept prodding me to try to ride bull. I made every excuse in book, from fact that I only ride female cattle to my back was bad. But, finally, I gave in. I tromped up to guy operating thing and gave him my $5. I signed a waiver that basically said that if I am folded, stapled, or mutilated that I would not hold them responsible. After I put on gloves, Jane told me I was only supposed to wear one glove. So, I took one off. I looked like a cross between Michael Jackson and Meatloaf. I walked out and climb on top of this bull.. and... Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell........ All I can say is that bull ride reminded me a lot of sex......... It lasted about two minutes before I was laying on floor, breathing hard, and exhausted.
Chris Bradford and Brande McCree are the publishers of MLM Success Today, a weekly newsletter offering original articles written by its publishers for both the experienced and the beginner network marketer. http://www.mlmsuccesstoday.com/news/
| | The Hazards of Tossing PigsWritten by Chris Bradford & Brande McCree
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Sunday morning I wake up feeling like crap. I open my eyes and no-one was in my room. I felt something on top of me and reached across to grab it. As I did, I noticed a purple key ring hanging off one of my fingers. I go to pull it off and I notice a bunch of yellow crap in my hand. I reach down to see what it is on top of me, and I find bottle of Jim Beam... EMPTY!!! My first thought was "Oh crap!!!! What did I do????" I try to raise up out of bed, but I cant. Yes, I was still drunk, but THAT was not problem. Instead, bedspread was coming with me! It seems that while in my inebriated state of comatosement, my two blonde friends had decided to sew my clothes to bed, with ME IN THEM!!!!! I reached over, rip apart threads, and roll out of bed. I stumble to bathroom. I relieve myself and walk out. As I do, I glance at mirror, and...... WHAT!?!?!??!?!?!?? The first thing I noticed was my hair was slicked back. with all of these little specks in it that looked like little bitty sponges. Then I notice that my eyebrows had been painted all way across. And I see all these splotches all over my face! And, my gawd, LIPSTICK on my lips!!!!! I started wiping my face off when... The phone rings. It was Jane... totally laughing her butt off!!!!!! I asked if I had drank that whole bottle? She was laughing her butt off!!! It turns out that slicked back hair was shampoo. And, she was laughing her butt off!!! And, flecks was potato chips. And, she was laughing her butt off!!! And, while we was talking I noticed that I had plastic bags tied around my feet!!!!!! And, she was laughing her butt off!!! And to top it off, I was supposed to be in SUNDAY SCHOOL in an hour!! And she was laughing her butt off!!! I told her I might not make Sunday school, but I would be at church. She thanked me for being a good sport (yeah, right. Revenge is coming. Jane and Barb had better watch out.) and I went and laid back down. When I finally got around to taking plastic bags off my feet, it was like sticking them in a dadblame freezer. I couldn?t believe it! I showered, washed crap out of my hair, (finding dental floss in there too) and headed to church, still drunk. Now, that there preacher has no idea of impact his sermon had on me that day. Not only did I have him preaching at me, but there was two more fellas who looked just like him saying same things at same time. They were even making same gestures at same time!! I have no idea how they did special effects, but they would merge into one, and then un-merge. I made it through church and only heard Jane snore once next to me. I can?t help but wonder housekeeping thought when they found threads sewn into blanket in shape of a large human body.
Chris Bradford and Brande McCree are the publishers of MLM Success Today, a weekly newsletter offering original articles written by its publishers for both the experienced and the beginner network marketer. http://www.mlmsuccesstoday.com/news/
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