The Gambling TripWritten by Chris Bradford & Brande McCreee
I left Atlanta on Thursday morning headed out west. The trip to airport and flight was uneventful, except waitress lady on plane wouldn't let me pee out window. Something else I noticed, Them airplane folks don't want you to clean their windows. On every one of suckers it says something like "Crystalplex - Do Not Clean" . Now, that brings to mind, just at what point did fliers cleaning airplane windows become such a problem that they had to imprint that on their windows?
Now.. I was going out to see some very special folks and I was really looking forward to seeing them. I had imagined walking off plane and being greeted by these two beautiful blondes.. having them hugging on me in front of other passengers and making all guys envious.
Weeelll, I walk off plane and look around. Nope, no one there for me. I guess they are going to meet me in baggage claim area. So, I sulk on over there and there are this ton and a half of folks standing around this little merry go round thing waiting on their baggage to magically appear. I looked thru crowd real good and note no beautiful blondes.
So, I hang around till my baggage appeared. Every now and again I would reach in down like I was gonna grab someone else's just to put a little excitement in someone's day.
I grab my bags and walk outside and look around. Nope. No beautiful blondes there either. Weeeeell.. that was ok. These two ladies were driving three hours so I figured they must be running a little late. So, I set my bags down, and started pacing around a little and waiting.
And wait I did....
10 minutes... 20 minutes.... 30 minutes... 40 minutes... 50 minutes... 60 minutes... baggage alone and it is too much to tote to bathroom> 70 minutes... 80 minutes.... luggage in car, and take off. After getting in car and underway, Jane finally told me those three little words that mean so much too me.... Three little words that I so much wanted to hear.... Three little words that brightened my day.... Three little words that filled me with excitement and anticipation... LET'S GO GAMBLE!!!!! Next, of course was those three little words that causes men to cringe... Those three little words that causes men to shudder with fear... Those three little words that men most hate... YOU BRING MONEY??? Jane drove us to Station's casino. I wont go into details, but some of you may have ridden with her in past. (I still have cold chills and white knuckles thinking bout her driving.) At casino, things started out pretty good. We lost a little money to begin with, but when we were running low I hit roulette table. I had tripled my money when Barb sat down next to me wanting to try a system she had heard about for roulette table. So, I agreed to give it a shot. I ain?t going to explain system, but each time you loose you double your bet. It is supposed to be foolproof, but I ain?t never found anything yet that was Mark proof. I handed her some money and she bought some chips. Before I know it, she had $80.00 riding on one spin of wheel. Now, that might not be a lot of money in your eyes, but to me it is about three trips to beer can recycling place. The wheel spun and we both cringed and closed our eyes saying silent prayers to ancient gods of gambling. When we peeked we found WE WON!!!!
The Hazards of Tossing PigsWritten by Chris Bradford & Brande McCree
The Hazards of Tossing Pigs
Saturday, both Jane and Barb had to work. I didn?t see either of them during day but Saturday night I went to eat at restaurant they work in. They serve two kinda steaks there. One called Cowgirl, and one called Cowboy. On my first visit some months ago I had loudly pronounced "I wanna eat a Cowgirl!" When Jane asked how I wanted it, I loudly replied "Why, pink in middle of course!"
Weeeeell...... this time Jane recommended Cowboy. I informed her that if she was to tell anyone that I ate a Cowboy on bone, she was dead meat. After eating, they invited me to go out after they got off work. So I told them I would show back up round 10 PM. I rode by at 9:30 and seeing parking lot was about empty, decided to stop on in. They wasn?t finished, so I stepped into bar. In bar they had LVTV (Las Vegas TV) film cameras set up, and Geritol Crowd was out there dancing to swing time music being played by some fellas who in their younger years dreamed of growing up and playing music in "Speakeasies" during Great Depression. Now, it was fun to watch, and I got a kick out of drummer who, when he went into his grand finale drum roll on last song, paused to put on his oxygen mask first. Things took a little longer than expected, but at about 11:30, they finally were ready to go out. Except, neither brought a change of clothes. We had to stop and buy them t-shirts to be presentable. After hitting a couple of places, they finally found some sweat shirts at Outback Roadhouse. That being done, we started having problems finding a bar. I was even having problems finding Barb! We would decide to go somewhere and she would take off in her car like a racetrack momma, leaving me and Jane driving around Branson trying to find her! Finally we caught up with her and decided to hit lounge at Ramada. That didn?t work out too well. The place was fairly empty. And, besides that, as we were walking in parking lot we passed this 1971 pickemup truck that was so valuable it had guard dogs in back. The thing is, we didn?t see dogs until we were beside truck. Then, it was too late! We all had dirty britches. Weeeeell.. we decided to go to my motel room and have our own little get together so Jane sends Barb after some wine and we head to my motel. Barb shows up at about same time we do. In addition to wine, she brought a bottle of Jim Beam and some game which you play by tossing pigs. I thanked her for Jim Beam, but cautioned her it was a bad idea because with mood I was in I shouldn?t be drinking heavy. She fixed me a drink, and we all sat down to toss a few pigs. Now, this game was pretty neat. You would toss these two pigs like dice.. and depending on how they landed you would score points. You had "Snouters", "Razor backs", "Makin Bacon", and a bunch of other ways they could land. I kept drinking. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeell.... last thing I remember was feeling a little sick from drinking so much, and next thing I knew it was Sunday morning. And, what a morning it was!