The Dan Rather/CBS story didn't affect my life at all but my taxes paid Armstrong Williams and who knows how many other conservative pundits to promote a Bush administration governmental program. Add to all this that CBS non-story is probably going to lead to journalists, who by and large have taken an extended break from being journalists, to be less aggressive and more concerned with losing their jobs. This means that we all should expect to see more "news" stories about J.Lo and Paris Hilton and whether or not a love triangle was reason for breakup between Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. These types of stories should continue to dominate news headlines, at least until CNN gets some forged documents from an romantically-motivated Angela Jolie, forever ruining perception of news agencies as being "fair and balanced" and always right, all time. Then we can expect news to include stories about sky being blue and water being wet. This will all continue until a left-leaning President is elected and then same conservatives that are calling for heads of CBS news producers will be asking for a return to investigative journalism so that we can get to bottom of cigars, dresses, interns and white lies.

I decided to try a rapprochement. "You have to admit that most people would rather sacrifice a few laboratory rats than discover their children have gone blind."

"Mice!" insisted Mouse #1.

"Pardon me," I replied

"We are mice, not rats," explained Mouse #2.

Robin Gunn snorted. His band of merry hunters snorted, too.

"I suspect most people would not care whether their cosmetics are tested on mice or rats or elephants, as long as they know products are safe before they buy them," I suggested helpfully.

"Great! Now our host wants to torture elephants , too," Big Bear growled with an increasingly hungry look in his eyes. "Don't you know they are an endangered species?"

It was at that point that I decided to bring in Plan B. "Brownies anyone?"

Robin Gunn snorted. His band of merry hunters snorted, too. But they ate brownies.

I turned to Mr. Gunn. '"I understand need to eat animals I said, with one eye on Big Bear, but doesn't killing them for sport seem a bit much?"

"Why?" Mr. Gunn wanted to know.

"Well, it doesn't seem like much of a sport when one team gets a high-powered shotgun, while other never even knows there's a game going on, does it?"

Big Bear growled. The mice growled, too. OK, so it was more like a high-pitched squeak, but it's thought that counts, right?

I tried another line of discussion. "What if you met with animals to pick teams. Wouldn't that be a little more fair?"

Robin Gunn looked at me like I was crazy. Big Bear looked at me like I was crazy.

It turns out that I was crazy. The summit ended in a dismal failure. Big Bear loved brownies, but he wanted something more. The Three Blind Mice never even saw him coming.

And Mrs. Gunn is really enjoying her new bearskin rug.

Meanwhile, I don't know what to do about my increasingly greasy hair. I suppose that sooner or later, I'll have to use shampoo. In meantime, I wonder...do you think ketchup will work?