It's Time for a Behavior Check The fact is that children learn from modeled behaviors. While it is true that some children are, as media says, "out-of-control," they did not end up that way by themselves. Children are who they are because of their environment. They learn how to act by watching people who are closest to them. The behaviors they see are behaviors they will take on. This being said, if we truly want to help a child make a change for better, we must first take a good, long look at our own actions and behaviors. Ask yourself following questions:  What kind of behaviors am I displaying in front of children?  Are these same behaviors I want them to show toward others?

It is Up to Us Fortunately, alternatives to authoritarian behaviors exist. We are not powerless in our struggle for social change. Many child advocates not only speak out against these behaviors, but they also offer effective solutions that create physically and emotionally healthy children. World-renowned experts and authors such as Alfie Kohn, Beyond Discipline, From Compliance to Community; Roger Schank, Coloring Outside The Lines; and David Elkind, The Hurried Child are social heroes of our time. They have been speaking out against injustices of our system for many years, and their wisdom is bringing about a social change we desperately need. The problems with America's children may seem overwhelming at times, but there are proven solutions. By changing our childcare practices and behaviors, we can restructure our nation's intellectual, economic, physical, political, moral, and emotional values. Children are at mercy of people responsible for their care. Instead of speaking out against our children, we need to be friendly with them, and speak up for them. It is up to us to make a difference in their lives.

3) One of big issues in our society is that children learn to identify their self-worth with others’ approval for how they look, how many toys they have, how expensive their clothes are. Unless parents show their children that they value them for their inner qualities - their caring, creativity, compassion, laughter, joy, passion for life - rather than for their looks, possessions and performance, children learn to attach their self-worth to other’s approval. True self-worth comes from inside, from knowing we are valuable for who we are, not for how we look or what we do. Unfortunately, our materialistic society fosters attaching self-worth and lovability to others’ approval for things such as a car or a house or clothes. When we “spoil” our children with material possessions, we foster co-dependency, which is dependency on others’ approval for our sense of worth.

We can spoil our children with material things, but we can’t spoil them with love. Love is energy of acceptance for who child really is. Love is understanding, compassion, caring. You are loving your children when you spend time just being with them, hanging out with them, being fully present with them, really listening to them. The greatest gift you can give to your children is to value them for who they really are on inside. This is love, and nothing material can ever replace it.

As we move into holidays, you might want to examine values and expectations you are imparting to your children. Perhaps instead of all money being spent on presents for your children, whole family could participate in buying clothing and food for those who are in need. Imagine real gift you could give your children if Thanksgiving, Christmas and Chanukah were times of true service in addition to feasting and sharing gifts with each other. Rather than “spoiling” our children by giving them too much, why not enhance their self-worth by providing them opportunities to be giving, caring human beings?