Once again, becoming aware of your real limits will bring you this kind of certainty, calm and focus. If you need to respond at all, you’ll respond with less angry charge. The situations will flow away from you.

The term “boundaries” sometimes sounds kind of strict or harsh, particularly if you’re chronically nice. The whole concept of strong boundaries may conjure an image of cold, distant people tip-toeing around each other in a state of fear and distrust.

In fact, opposite is true.

If there are no limits to what people can do to you, and no limits to what you can do to them, you will feel constantly under attack (or will constantly be attacking others). And if you’re too nice to say ‘no,’ you will feel constant resentment, blame and confusion. Without strong boundaries, you’ll always be vaguely on your guard, ready to lash out.

Setting strong boundaries actually makes it easier, not harder, to get close to people. That’s because boundaries tell other people what’s acceptable for us and what isn’t. They create an atmosphere of honesty and openness. They allow us to be authentically ourselves. And they create a sense of mutual respect.

When you’re angry or annoyed, you’ve already tolerated too much. A boundary needs strengthening, now. Take one of four responsible actions (Speak up, Make a direct request, Move out of way or Keep silent).

When you set strong boundaries, your life will begin to look like this:

-The people in your life who bring you down start to leave -Instead of cursing crowds, you cross street -You speak up when people show disrespect -You ask for what you want up-front -You can truly “let it go, Joe.”

Susan’s truth, which she stated in interview, is that her son Teddy has ended one phase of his life and started another. Her faith in God as a loving source is sustaining her. Her belief that soul does not die, but leaves when it is finished with what it needed to learn here, is making it possible for her to grieve without resentment. She is not allowing this great loss to poison her soul.

The literal biblical translation of word “sin” is “off mark.” When our thinking and behavior are off mark, we are “sinning” because we are not in truth. God is truth, love, peace, and joy. When we are not in love and truth, we are off mark. Being off mark in our thinking results in negativity – in anger, fear, anxiety, depression, resentment, blame. Negativity is harmful to soul. This is a “sin” against ourselves.

Our ego wounded self - which originates in mind and is part of us that wants control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe - constantly makes up thoughts that are off mark. The ego is incapable of knowing what is true and what is not. It thinks it is wise and knowing, but in reality it is always “off mark.” All thoughts that come from ego are based on desire for control over others and outcomes. The desire to control is opposite of desire to love and be in truth, and is therefore off mark.

Truth does not originate in mind. Truth comes into mind from Spirit when we are open to learning about love and truth. Truth never creates resentment.

Anger, resentment, anxiety, fear, depression – these feelings are signals that you are not in truth, that you are allowing your ego to have dominion over your soul. When you open your heart to learning truth and learning what is loving to yourself and others, you will move out of negative feelings and into peace and joy that come from being in truth, even in face of sadness and grief. Even in her grief, Susan Saint James’s face was filled with light of truth. There was no darkness in her being as she shared her experience with us. Thank you, Susan, for your courage, love and faith. You have given us a great gift.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.