Set Strong Boundaries and Live in ConfidenceWritten by David Roddis
Spoken or unspoken, we all have physical boundaries and emotional boundaries. Have you ever made known a preference for working in your office alone or asking someone not to touch you? By every action we take, in every life situation, we're either demonstrating strong boundaries or weak ones; and weak ones always create potential for stress, conflict and drama.There are two types of boundaries: immediate and lasting. Immediate boundaries are those you set in real time, as a direct response to an annoying or disturbing situation. You set these immediate boundaries in moment by taking any of these four responsible actions: 1.Speaking up 2.Making a direct request 3.Moving out of way 4.Keeping silent As you become more aware, you’ll start to let go of small stuff and, at same time, begin to discover your limits of what you’ll accept. This process is almost like re-calibrating an electronic instrument. Imagine a faulty heat detector that rings alarm almost all time! What you’re doing now is, in effect, learning to re-set your response range. However, immediate boundaries are, in final sense, “better late than never” actions. Lasting boundaries, on other hand, are so strong they automatically prevent distressing situations coming into your life. The only way to develop boundaries this strong is by becoming extremely boundary-aware, and by taking responsible actions (listed above). The strongest, cleanest boundaries have no emotional charge. This analogy may help you understand what we mean: If you were a non- or ex-smoker, and someone at a party innocently offered you a cigarette, would you get angry and storm out? Would you yell, or become upset and tearful? Of course not. You’d just say, “No thanks, I don’t smoke.” In same way, when you have clear boundaries, you’ll “decline invitation” to drama, conflict and other toxic situations, but without reacting to it. The situation will simply hold no interest for you.
| | The Poison of ResentmentWritten by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as author resource box at end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com Title: The Poison of Resentment Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 733 Category: Self Improvement The Poison of Resentment By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Actress Susan Saint James, in a TV interview after terrible plane crash that claimed life of her 14 year old son Teddy, and injured her husband, NBC Sports Chairman Dick Ebersol, and her son Charles, made following brilliant statement: “Resentment is like taking poison and then expecting other person to die.” Even in face of her great loss, she is not angry, blaming, or resentful. Resentment and blame are poisons to soul. They are far more harmful to you than to anyone else. Our ego/wounded self believes that if we blame and resent someone, we can somehow have control over that person or over outcome of things. But what resentment really does is pull us into darkness of seeing ourselves as a victim. It’s very helpful to think of resentment as poisoning yourself while expecting other to somehow be hurt by it. If you can think of anger, blame and resentment as poisons to soul, perhaps this will make it easier to release these dark feelings. These feeling do not come out of nowhere. They are result of your thoughts and beliefs. For example, if you have thought, as Susan could have had, “God is punishing me,” you will likely see yourself as a victim and feel angry and resentful. But having this thought or belief does not make it a reality. The resulting resentment is actually Spirit’s way of letting you know that you are off track in your thinking. Thoughts that cause anger, fear, and resentment are thoughts that are being made up by wounded self. They are not based on truth. The truth never causes anger and fear. The truth can certainly cause sadness and grief, such as reality that Susan’s son is gone. But anger and resentment are not same as sadness and grief. Anger and resentment are result of blaming someone or something.
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