5. Set up Nativity and read story of Jesus. Let your child "act out story" with figurines.

6. Make Christmas cookies or fudge with your child.

7. Go to store and let your child pick out a gift to give to needy.

8. Create a relaxing atmosphere. Turn off all of lights except Chritmas tree lights. Then use candles and/or a fire in fireplace to create a warm enviroment. Make some apple cider or hot cocoa. Then spend evening reading stories to your child.

9. Wrap presents with your child and put them under tree.

10. Go out to eat. Let your child choose where you plan to eat.

11. Put together a puzzle with your child.

12. Teach your child a new card game.

13. Go to a Movie Theater & Buy a big tub of buttered popcorn. (It's ok. Indulge yourself). Can't afford Movie Theatre? Make up a pretend movie theatre at home! Make popcorn, rent a movie and use fake money & fake paper movie tickets.

14. Visit a grandparents house.

15. Make your child's favorite meal.

16. Make paper snowflakes together and hang them in window.

17. Have each member of family make notes for all of other family members. Inside notes, write a letter to that family member which includes what you appreciate about that family member. Then seal envelope and decorate it with stickers. Young family members can draw pictures for each member of family.

18. Dust off Christmas Carol CD and play it.

19. Remember to plan a night out with your husband to get to know each other better. Leave children with a FUN babysitter. Allow children to order out pizza or go see a movie.

20. Make sure all of your presents are bought and wrapped. Let your child participate in putting together all of last minute preparations.

21. Decorate your yard for arrival of relatives.

22. Let your child help you bake food.

23. Declare day a NO VIDEO GAMES ALLOWED day. Prepare fun activities for two of you to do all day.

24. Visit relatives or prepare a fun time together at home.

Whatever activities you plan, they will help both you and your child focus on fun times you can enjoy in preparation for holiday season.

Everything Zack did to protect against rejection tapped into Tiffany’s fear of engulfment, while everything Tiffany did to protect against engulfment tapped into Zack’s fear of rejection. The more Zack pulled with niceness, more Tiffany moved away, and more Tiffany moved away, more Zack pulled. What was way out of this protective circle?

Both Zack and Tiffany needed to learn how to take loving care of themselves, rather than attempt to control other. Zack needed to learn how to not take Tiffany’s behavior as a personal rejection. He needed to see that her withdrawal was coming from her fear of engulfment that he was tapping into, but he was not cause of her fear. She had this fear way before meeting him. Zack also needed to start to be loving to himself rather than "nice" to Tiffany. He needed to learn to take responsibility for his own feelings of well-being instead of being dependent upon Tiffany for them. In learning to take care of himself, he would naturally stop pulling on Tiffany for his sense of worth and security.

Tiffany needed to learn to speak her truth without blaming or judging. Instead of withdrawing and criticizing, she needed to stand up for herself and set loving limits with Zack in order to move beyond her fear of engulfment. She needed to learn to say things like, "Zack, I appreciate dinner you made, but I feel like you made it with an expectation that I should now love you, rather than because you felt like making dinner. I’d rather that you not make dinner unless you are doing it because you really want to and without an expectation attached. I feel pulled on and it doesn’t feel good."

Zack and Tiffany decided that it was worth learning how to be loving to themselves and then see what happened with their marriage. Fortunately, because both of them were devoted to learning to take full, 100% responsibility for their own feelings and needs, they were able to move out of their protective, controlling circle and into a loving circle. As they learned to take responsibility for themselves, their love for each other gradually returned.