The first thing I would recommend is looking at your natural gifts. In some other articles I've given some exercises and such to find some of core pieces of yourself. It doesn't matter if you take some of those personality tests like Meyers-Briggs or any others. The idea is that there are certain core aspects of ourselves that are never really going to change very much. For example, you like to work alone or as part of a team. You may be extremely introverted or extroverted. You may be incredibly musical or you may be very mathematical. Whatever gifts and challenges you were born with are what they are. Recreating yourself isn't about denying root of who you are. It's about molding and shaping other things like attitude and such.

I wanted to become one of those people who had lots of self-confidence and was dynamic and bubbly. I wanted to be one of those people who could laugh out loud at a joke and not feel self-conscious that I might sound like a donkey - hee haaaaaw!! Along with picking a new career path that flattered my real skills and lifestyle I wanted to move towards, I began pretending that I was one of those women who walked tall and proud. I pretended that people liked me and found me fascinating. I pretended that I had my act together. There came a day about a year later when I realized that I wasn't faking it anymore. I've been quite a character ever since!

Now a word of warning... sometimes people who knew us before we made all of personal changes refuse to see us as new and improved. That's especially true of family members. They knew you when you were a whiny kid. They knew you when you went through that really bad divorce and turned into a real nutcase. Sometimes they have their own ugly issues to work out and are bitter that you are role modeling positive changes. This is easier said then done, but believe me when I say this - It's none of your business what they think of you. You didn't change yourself so that they would like you better. You changed so that you would like you better. Hold your head up high and laugh out loud with confidence and joy. Don't allow anyone to take your new life away from you.

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge

2 Give yourself a lot of external stimulation

To keep your focus off of yourself you need to put more and more attention on other person. If you only listen to her words you still have plenty of idle brain power that will drift back to make your self consciousness grow.

Instead you need to give your conscious mind so much to pay attention to that you are totally absorbed in other person. Become fascinated by how she expresses herself and not just by what she says.

Keep stacking on more details to simultaneously pay attention to until you are challenged without feeling overwhelmed.

Here is a list of some elements to focus on:

- rate of breathing - speech rhythm - pupil dilation - changes in skin tone - speech patterns - metaphors - posture and movement - combinations of above

The more you pay attention to other person less self conscious you will be because you will have become other conscious. Which is in fact hallmark of people who make friends easily. Your clear interest in other person will shine through.

3 Patient Persistence

The final point to remember is that patience and persistence wins day. Play with these strategies a little each day and you will start to exhibit traits of people who are supposedly gifted with people skills.

People skills are a matter of strategy. Learn strategy, practice it and you too will enjoy benefits that come to those who get along well with whoever they meet.

At same time you need to earn riches that await you. Many know what to do but few do what they know.