My clever rejoinder,

“Mam, I have nothing against animals, but I have lots against dogs being brought into my yard to crap all over it. But, all in fairness given this situation, I have a proposition for you to consider.”

“And that proposition is?”

“I will allow your Spoofy here to relieve himself right out here in my front yard if I can be extended same privilege.”

This Miss Prunella look-alike looked somewhat perplexed, so she asked,

“What do you mean by being extended same privilege?”

“Well, if it’s okay for my yard to be used as a public pet toilet, I would like permission to use yours as well.”

“You can’t be serious!”

“Well sure I am. If you would kindly give me your address, next time I’m driving by with a full bladder resulting from sucking down of several Diet Mountain Dews, I’ll pull over and relieve myself on one of your trees. Since you live almost a mile away this could be great for me when I experience one of those times that I don’t think I can make it home before downloading certain bodily fluids.”

“Absolutely not! Absolutely not! I will not grant you permission to urinate in my yard!”

“Well mam, then we’re even, as I’m not gonna grant you permission to let Fido here create artwork out on my front lawn.”

With all that having been said, she stormed off in a huff, pulling little Spoofy along with her. I did feel a little sorry for poor dog, but I felt a whole lot better for me and for condition of my yard. I guess that sometimes you encounter situations where you just can’t let people or dogs crap all over you, not even an old blue haired lady with a dog named Spoofy who’d sure like to. Sometimes, I think it’s actually good for certain people to be mad at you and not want to be around you, especially if they’re old biddies walking four legged poop factories along with them. And just think, if I’d dropped my guard and actually allowed this, she might drop by next week with a pet goose, and we all know what a sweet situation that’d be....

·Cool color favorites like bluish red, fuschia, black, royal blue, and pine green indicate that cool hair tones are best for you: platinum, ash blonde, ash brown, burgundy, and jet black.

·If you look good in true red, purple, charcoal grey, periwinkle, and teal, then neutral tones like sandy or beige blonde, chocolate brown or mahogany will suit you.

4.How do I get ready to color my hair first time?

It's a good idea to gather a few materials together before starting: an old T-shirt, a few old towels and a washcloth that you don't mind getting stained, some hair clips for sectioning your hair, a timer, and a hand mirror to see back of your head. 5.If I color my hair at home and hate it, what can I do?

There are some home hair color products you can use to repair damage, but it isn't easy. The problem is that if you used a home hair color kit to obtain a lighter color, your hair has been bleached and colored in a single process. So color needs to be added back in a process called "filling" before using final color formula. Whatever you do, don't simply buy a box of your original color and try to cover over a bad dye job... it won't work. Fixing hair color gone wrong is a multi-stage process so a trip to salon may be in order.

6.I already have permed hair. Can I color it without damaging it?

If your hair has been permed or relaxed, color has to be applied carefully or it can weaken structure of your hair. Salons have colors specially formulated for treated hair. But if you insist on home hair coloring, choose a shade darker than you want since processed hair may come out lighter than expected. Then do a strand test to make sure your hair can handle chemical stress. 7.I love my new color... now how do I keep it looking good?

You'll probably want to recolor every four to six weeks. Make a record of hair color product and shade you used, and how long you left it on ends and regrowth. Use shampoos and conditioners formulated for color-treated hair to prevent fading. Stay out of sun and chlorinated pools. Hair that has been previously been bleached is prone to such effects and should be rinsed as soon as possible. Don't use heavy conditioners and oil treatments after coloring... they can lift color.

Now go out and enjoy your new look and all money you saved by doing it yourself!