•Give children definite, fair, and un-hypocritical limits that are socially acceptable, and as free as possible. Your children want your respect and approval, so "discipline" them by withdrawing yourself from them - only for as long as socially unacceptable behaviour continues. The only "reward" for "good" behaviour is social acceptance - "good" behaviour should be considered as "normal", nothing special.

•Children are naturally fully intelligent - they are only lacking experience and information.

•Encourage physical and emotional “robustness" so that they can take, and enjoy, whatever textures life has for them. Don’t over-protect or smother a child when hurt. Encourage self-reliance by supporting them to help themselves. But beware, this is not an excuse for abuse or neglect, it’s a call for diligent, parentally-nurtured self-reliance. Encourage self-confidence and self-responsibility. (If a child is obsessively over-protected, with "message" that they are not capable, then they will be incapable).

•Uninhibited physical contact is very important – avoid imparting your own phobias and obsessions to them. Again, this is not an excuse for abuse – as parents and caregivers we must do work on ourselves, to become free of our own dysfunction.

•Bring about an awareness and appreciation of beauty. (A person, who is happy, and aware of beauty, cannot deliberately destroy that beauty, or harm others or planet).

•Action and behaviour need to come out of willingness never fear. (Discipline coming out of fear and hate can never allow a person to be "whole" and creative).

•Uninterrupted "daydreaming" has been found to be a crucial element in well-being and growth, because lateral thinking, creativity, and internal connections happen in this mind state. Allow children this space – if they over-daydream, it’s possible that there is some unresolved issue in child’s life that needs attending to.

•Avoid trying to "convince" a younger child with "reason", just state your position and hold to it firmly and lovingly.

•Allow children to develop at their own rate, (physically, mentally, and emotionally), while continuing to provide an environment that draws them on.

•Try not to limit a child's exploring - exploring is absolutely natural and necessary.

•Avoid creating conflict with a child by denying them doing what you are doing, or having, yourself - if you can't change your own ways, (to lead by example), then allow them a minimum of what you are doing or having, (while seeming to allow a lot). Conflict born of (perceived) unfairness is a big problem.

Summary •The child needs to be genuinely delighted in. •No parent is "perfect" – intention, awareness and self-honesty are what are important. •Parents need to be firm, consistent, non-violent (physically or emotionally), non-materialistic, un-hypocritical and loving. •No put-downs, no guilt, no devaluing.

Clive Taylor has spent years of research into consciousness, zero-point physics theory, emergence theory, memes and many other new understandings coming out of mathematics, physics, sociology and psychology. His ongoing work as relationship therapist is bringing deep revelations about the nature of our psyches. Author/illustrator children’s books and co-creator of a music CD.

"I love her," he said.

The wise old fellow had a very direct reply. "I didn't ask you if you love her. I asked you if you like her." He explained difference.

He explained, as I did during ceremony, that falling in love is one thing. Being lifetime friends and companions is quite another. Falling in love is largely result of physical attraction, and is natural. To stay in love we must learn to like each other. That can be a bit more of a challenge than attraction, because it requires an ongoing exercise of maturity. It doesn’t just come naturally.

BARBER-OSOPHY: If a relationship lasts it's usually because those involved have worked at liking each other.

Copyright 2004, Sumerlin Enterprises.

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