Need to Change Something?Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach
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Change as loss? Well, if it’s a good change, we don’t have as much trouble dealing with it. Or do we? You’d think that winning lottery would be a “good” change, but studies show that many people simply can’t adjust to it. See what I mean about becoming change-proficient? Wouldn’t it be a shame to win lottery and go under from stress of it? And changes we don’t want, that signal loss of something important to us, or beloved by us, require all courage, skills and buoyancy we can muster. The goal is not to sink into resolute self-pity or bitterness, but to rise again. “Affliction comes to us, “said H. G. Wells, British philosopher, “not to make us sad, but sober; not to make us sorry but wise.” If you decide to develop resilience keep in mind stretch may cause some growing pains at first. To quote Wells again, “You have learned something. That always feels at first as if you had lost something.” When you give up idea that things are going to be same, you will have lost something. What will you have gained? Most people who begin to work mindfully on their Emotional Intelligence experience immediate beneficial changes. Some are even exhilarated. Managing emotional component of any circumstance or event may well be crucial feature to how you cope. Notice it’s “manage,” not “control.” If things are changing all time, and it’s getting to you, you can learn how to not let it get to you. And then you will have lost something … but what will you have gained?
©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, business programs, Internet classes, teleclasses and ebooks around Emotional Intelligence. I train and certify EQ coaches. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for information on this fast, affordable, flexible, no-residency program. For FREE ezine, email me and put “ezine” for subject line. Check out the best ebook library on the Internet - www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html .
| | Improve Your Listening Immediately!Written by Stephen D. Boyd
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Streamline! Fourth, eliminate clutter around phone and your desk so you won’t easily be distracted when you are talking by phone or have a person talking to you in your office. Notes, pens, folders, clocks, and knickknacks can distract you, and you may not even be aware of distraction until you realize you have no idea what person just said. Choose your time! Fifth, when possible choose your listening time during part of day when you are mentally alert. If you are a morning person make your most important appointments, interviews, or phone calls during that time. If mornings are difficult for you, make afternoon calls. You lose listening acumen when you are tired physically or mentally. Admit! Finally, don’t be afraid to admit that you’re having a hard time listening and make necessary adjustments. You might say, “I’m sorry I missed that last point. Please repeat that for me.” Or “I’m having a hard time concentrating; let me move to another chair.” Or “Could we pick up conversation at a later time this afternoon? I need a break and some lunch.” Any of these responses will tell people that you want to listen to their messages, and that what they have to say is important to you. Some listening skills, such as suspending judgment, dealing with biases, and avoiding daydreaming, take time to develop because of mental self-discipline they require. Following these tips, however, will improve your listening immediately.
Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, is a professor of speech communication at Northern Kentucky University in Highland Heights, Kentucky. He is also a trainer in communication who presents more than 60 seminars and workshops a year to corporations and associations. See additional articles and resources at http://www.sboyd.com. He can be reached at 800-727-6520 or at info@sboyd.com.
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