If it were up to him, he would have left before watching game and went back to hotel room to sulk and beat himself up. Instead, we took this opportunity to help him work through this life disappointment and show him good that came from situation.

Sure, he didn’t make it to next level, sure it sucked, and sure he had a right to feel down and disappointed. But he couldn’t run away from situation because that wouldn’t help him when (and being human, he will) he failed again.

We gave him time to sulk and deal with disappointment and then we sat down to share our perspective on situation:

1.He did his best. 2.Because of his earlier accomplishment we were going to be able to watch a game we would not have been able to watch otherwise. 3.We were proud of him regardless of whether he won or lost, and were just so darn excited to be able to cheer him on. 4.He placed first in a town of 10,000. 5.It’s okay to fail. We all fail at some point in our lives. 6.There’s always next year. If he thinks he could have done better, he has an entire year to practice before next year’s shoot-out.

In end, we stayed, watched game, and had a great time! When life gets better of you, don’t let it keep you down. As old saying goes, “when life hands you lemons, make lemon aid!”

However, in continuing to attend to Rachael’s feelings and giving them a lot of her time, Joanne is indulging Rachael and teaching her to use her feelings as a form of control. In addition, Joanne is not helping Rachael learn to manage her feelings rather than dump them on others. Just because we feel something doesn’t mean we need to act on feelings. As adults, just because we may feel like having a ice cream for breakfast, doesn’t mean we indulge ourselves in having it. Just because we feel like sleeping in when we need to go to work doesn’t mean we allow our feelings to determine our behavior. Just because we feel like punching someone in nose doesn’t mean we do it. Hopefully, we’ve learned to acknowledge and release our feelings without letting them control us.

The same needs to be true with our children. We need to learn to comfort our children’s authentic feelings, such as pain over loss of a friendship, while not giving much attention to feelings expressed to control. When Joanne tales responsibility for fixing Rachael’s feelings, Rachael does not have to learn to take care of her own feelings. Joanne needs to walk away from or ignore Rachael’s tantrums and complaints when they are about things like her clothes or food. She needs to let Rachael know that, while she understands her feelings, Rachael also needs to learn to accept things as they are. Accepting how things are is part of learning to manage feelings.

If Joanne wants Rachael to grow up with good values, she needs to not give energy to issues such as clothes. Indulging Rachael in thinking right clothes are so important is not good for Rachael. Indulging Rachael in controlling whether or not she is included in adult activities is also not good for Rachael. Rachael needs to learn to accept things even if she doesn’t like them – we all need to learn this. By indulging Rachael’s manipulative behavior through giving all her feeling so much importance, Joanne is creating a child with entitlement issues.

Before we can help our children manage their feelings in healthy ways, we need to learn to manage our feelings in healthy ways. If you are indulgent with your feelings, your children will learn to do same. If you are using your feelings to manipulate others, or allowing other to manipulate you with their feelings, your children will learn this from you. One of best things you can do for your children is to become a role model regarding taking personal responsibility for your feelings.