Labeling is Disabling: Achieving Congruent Communication

Written by Azriel Winnett


Continued from page 1

What, then, wasrepparttar problem?

Could it be, he apparently asked himself, that he wasrepparttar 111242 problem?

Was he relating to his young charges correctly? Or was he, quite unwittingly, pushing them into them intorepparttar 111243 same corner into which Bill had been pushed by his colleagues onrepparttar 111244 town council?

How, he asked himself further, does a teacher react if a guest comes to her classroom and forgets her umbrella? Does he run after her and say: "What'srepparttar 111245 matter with you? Every time you come to visit you forget something. Next time, you'll forget your head! Why can't you be like your sister? She's a responsible person.."

For sure, he will say nothing more than "Here's your umbrella." That's it. But nobody knows why a teacher (or a parent) has to assumerepparttar 111246 role of a judge, or a prophet, when he or she is addressing a child.

A wise person knows that to label a person is to disable him. This applies especially inrepparttar 111247 case of young children, whose minds are like wet cement. The diagnosis may becomerepparttar 111248 disease. A child may often live up to his parent or teacher's negative prediction.

But that's not all.

What do you do when feel you'rerepparttar 111249 target of verbal abuse? Normally, you answer back. You give as good as you get. But what if you're powerless to defend yourself against one who insults or belittles you? Atrepparttar 111250 very least, you'd try to immunize yourself against any further verbal barbs and stings. You'd begin to seal off your mind.

Labeling, or any kind of negative name-calling, is not only a way to make personal enemies. It is one ofrepparttar 111251 deadliest enemies of communication itself. Through it - and I am choosing my words carefully - parents or teachers could lose their children forever.

We want to place our children in at atmosphere in which learning can thrive and creativity can flourish. We want them to prepare themselves for mature and responsible adulthood. We dare not shutrepparttar 111252 door in their faces.

"Fine," you might say, "but how do we do thingsrepparttar 111253 right way?"

It's a complex subject, but here's a simple illustration to keep you going.

Inrepparttar 111254 best of schools, it sometimes happens that two classmates insist on striking up a conversation precisely when their teacher needs their undivided attention - for example, when he is about to assign homework. Here are two short sound bytes from two different schools.

Teacher A: "Shut up - or else! You guys belong in a reformatory."

Teacher B; "I need to assign homework now. I cannot do it unless there is absolute quiet!"

Who isrepparttar 111255 more effective communicator? You berepparttar 111256 judge!

******

Copyright © 2004 Azriel Winnett

Before using this article in your publication, please email azriel@hodu.com . Your cooperation is appreciated!



Azriel Winnett is the creator of HODU.COM - YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS PORTAL at http://hodu.com . This popular Web destination helps you enhance your communication and relationship skills in your business and professional life, in marriage and the family unit and on the social scene.


Give-and-take: Recipe for Success in Marriage?

Written by Azriel Winnett


Continued from page 1

I'll let you in on a little secret. I don't really likerepparttar use ofrepparttar 111241 word PARTNER in connection with marriage.

True, we've used it up to now, for want of a better term. It does come in handy to describe a good marriage relationship, up to a point.

Yet, I hardly think that an ideal marriage relationship is a "partnership" inrepparttar 111242 same sense that we talk about a business partnership, for example. Not at all. When we think of a partnership, we usually think about a contract between two parties. A 50-50 sharing of responsibilities,orrepparttar 111243 like.

A little confused? Well, let me explain!

Do you have children? Good! Do you love them?

"What a question!" you exclaim, "Gee, how I love them!"

"Don't you knowrepparttar 111244 sacrifices we made for them? Fromrepparttar 111245 moment they came into this world, when they depended on us for their very survival, my spouse and I gave them our all. Just as much as a whimper from them inrepparttar 111246 middle ofrepparttar 111247 night, and we were there to attend to their needs. Even now, they may disappoint us, anger us or hurt us, but we continue to cater to their every whim...Do you need any greater proof that we love them!"

So...is that why you've done so much for them - because you love them so much?

Could be. But even more, I'd say it'srepparttar 111248 other way round: You love them so intensely BECAUSE you've done so much for them!

This is nothing more or less than human nature, and I think there's a great lesson for us here. We need to think about this very carefully.

Sometimes, when two people begin to think about marrying each other, they think in terms of some business arrangement. Whether they verbally express it that way or not, their minds work something along these lines:

"You have needs and I have needs. Maybe, if I satisfy yours, you will satisfy mine. You washrepparttar 111249 dishes and I'll payrepparttar 111250 rent. Sundays to Tuesdays I'll take outrepparttar 111251 garbage, and forrepparttar 111252 remainder ofrepparttar 111253 week you will. Other duties will be divided by mutual consent. For every suit I buy, you can buy two pairs of shoes..."

If this isrepparttar 111254 marriage you want, good luck to you! It's a free world. But will you be happy? I mean, really happy? I wonder.

Many people will tell you that for a happy marriage, you need what they describe as "give-and-take".

Give and take? Nonsense! Forget about it!

What you need is "give and give." And give again. And again.

That'srepparttar 111255 royal road to happiness.

******

Copyright © 2004 Azriel Winnett

To use this article in your publication, please contact info@hodu.com for permission. This will usually be granted immediately.

Azriel Winnett is the creator of HODU COM - YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS PORTAL at http://hodu.com . This popular Web destination enhances your communication and relationship skills in business and the professions, in the family unit and on the social scene.


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