5. The person “looking for love” is actually looking for ideal, someone out there, who will project back to him/her that he/she is OK. No, more than OK, close to perfect.

6. This person needs to be adored, or think another adores him/her, because there is a lack of inner strength and solid identity. The other becomes my world, because I lack a world. Being “in love” is panacea for my emptiness.

7. Sexual intercourse does not need to be a part of these relationships. Sexual activity may indeed END relationship or at least move it to point where attractors become, again, distracters. The idealized images may be held together by long phone calls, gifts, holding, love letters, e-mails, etc.

8. This type of affair often occurs when there is a “lull” in marriage relationship. The responsibility of raising children, starting and maintaining a career, paying bills, etc. become focal point for couple. Romance becomes a foreign word. People are especially vulnerable for this type of affair after children are in school and/or oldest child reaches early adolescence. (There are good reasons for this, from a family systems perspective, but I won’t get into that here.)

Tip: If your spouse is struggling with this type of relationship, make sure you hold and care for your self. Your spouse does not have capacity to do this for you (or anyone) at this point. Yes, you are ok. Her/his affair says less about you and much more about emptiness within her/him. It is time for you to know you better. Model for him/her what it means to be a person with a core, with integrity, with boundaries, with values, with meaning, with purpose and actively figure out what your needs are, and get them met. Maybe she will ask questions. Maybe she will not. Maybe soon. Maybe later.

For more information on different kinds of affairs, what causes them, probabilities of them ending a marriage and what you can do about it, visit my site.

5. Engages in teasing.

6. Can be stubborn and unyielding.

7. May often take oppositional view and pride himself on being contrary or taking an unpopular stance.

8. Can have moments of impulsive behavior and be labeled high-strung or tightly wired.

9. Has an underlying worldview that is pessimistic. Glass is half empty.

10. Has a tendency to wine or complain.

11. May have moments of sullenness and dejection.

12. Women may respond very intensely during their menstrual cycle. Men may appear very moody at certain times of month.

13. Manipulates others with unpredictability and demandingness.

14. Family of origin often marked by factions and sibling rivalry.

15. Has difficulty with intimacy since her behavior patterns push people away.

If you are interested in learning about 6 other forms of infidelity I outline in my book, "Break Free From Affair," visit my website.