Infidelity Excuse: I fell out of Love...and just love being in love

Written by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach

I find this dilemma rather common for younger couples, probably mid or late 30s and younger.

Usually one reports, “falling out of love” and is truly disturbed by this shift. He/she (and this is not merely a female problem!) wants to “recapture” those feelings.

This person has found a “significant other” who has stirred those dormant feelings and this person once again “feels in love.”

They are determined not to “settle” for a less than an ideal relationship, which means, of course, feelingrepparttar love feelings.

Here are some Key Points for this kind of affair. (The 6 others are outlined in my E-book.)

1. Unfortunately, our culture (movies, songs, romance novels, soap operas, romance comedies) teaches us that this is how it’s supposed to be. “Falling in love” isrepparttar 146283 norm –repparttar 146284 implication being, that if it doesn’t happen, or if it goes away, something is wrong – with you, your spouse orrepparttar 146285 marriage. A good relationship must first unlearn a great deal.

2. The person who was driven to find “that loving feeling” (reminds me of a song…) usually experiences a high degree of guilt and conflict. He/she is often married to a “good” person andrepparttar 146286 desire to “find that loving feeling” seems selfish (which it is) and immature (which it is). Intuitively (and this person usually has a great deal of intuition and sensitivity) it is known at another level that he/she is not onrepparttar 146287 right path.

3. This person usually has a need for drama and excitement. Life easily becomes a soap opera. Emotional juice fromrepparttar 146288 fall-out of emotionally intense relationships reigns rather than living life fromrepparttar 146289 core of who one is.

4. There is little understanding, or perhaps healthy models, ofrepparttar 146290 shifts needed as a relationship matures. For example, “falling out of love” usually happens whenrepparttar 146291 attractors becomerepparttar 146292 distracters. For example: His love for fun and spontaneity, which drew her initially to him, becomes irresponsibility. Her stability and calm, which drew him initially to her, become control.

The Revenge Affair: Characteristics of the Adulterer

Written by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach

"I Want to Get Back at Him/Her" is one of 6 kinds of affairs I outline in my E-book.

This isrepparttar "revenge affair." It occurs in a marriage in which one feels slighted in some manner and seeks revenge by engaging in an affair.

It is less a movement towardrepparttar 146282 other person and more a movement away from one’s spouse. The offending spouse usually lacksrepparttar 146283 skills of personal confrontation or is frightened byrepparttar 146284 prospect of someone "getting upset."

When evaluating this kind of affair, make a distinction between revenge and rage. Revenge is not rage. Rage comes from a different source, as outlined in one ofrepparttar 146285 other kinds of affairs.

Here are some characteristics ofrepparttar 146286 person who uses infidelity as revenge:

1, Usually is rather unpredictable and erratic in his behavior.

2. Has a hard time making decisions.

3. Is often impatient and irritable when things don’t go her way.

4. Some ofrepparttar 146287 resentment seems to “seep out” alongrepparttar 146288 edges, maybe when you least expect it.

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