* Balloon Drop Who doesn’t love a good balloon game? Arrange players in a circle and have them number off. The player with highest number is “It”. “It” stands in center of circle, and calls out a number while dropping an inflated balloon. The player with that number must catch balloon before it reaches floor. If player catches balloon, “It” calls another number. But if balloon touches floor, then that player is “It” and game continues.

SD: So where do you start?

Mark: Spend some time and get to know their world a little bit. Do something with them, or do nothing. One thing I recommend is leaving notes to your kids. Make your home a sacred place, a place where special things happen. Get involved in setting table and having a nice family dinner. Leave little notes for your daughter and ask her to leave some for you. Pop it in her school lunch, under her pillow, or in her Barbie chest. You want your children to perceive that you love them and that they have value. Children think this way: If my dad doesn’t ask questions, and doesn’t spend time with me, he doesn’t care about me.

SD: Can you recommend any books?

Mark: I have two ebooks that are helpful, “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers,” and “60 Tips for Fathers to Create Happy, Connected, and Responsible Kids.” http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm

SD: How does coaching fit in?

Mark: Because these things have to be put into practice, which requires change, and change involves risk, and it’s helpful to have an expert who can guide process. Someone who knows where you’re going when you can’t quite see it yet, who knows these things work. Ultimately it’s all about having better relationships, passion, a more meaningful life, and better health, with and through your family.

SD: I can’t help but think –What’s it like to work 10-12 hours and then come home and be warm attentive father?

Mark: Paradoxically it can help. More effective fathers are more effective workers, and vice versa. It’s about personal development, about who you’re becoming. Okay here’s an example, let’s call him Ted, a coaching client of mine. He has three boys and is a pretty reserved, analytical kind of fellow, a scientist. In his case, when he saw college on horizon for oldest son, he realized he wasn’t as close to his boys as he’d like. In coaching, it turned out he hadn’t told his kids much about himself. He didn’t tell his stories, talk about what he was really about. It was an “ah hah” moment for him when he realized if he wasn’t willing to share with his kids, they weren’t going to with him. I gave him some suggestions for getting started.”

SD: One more thing before we part. Can you give me an example of how it works changing work situation first?

Mark: Sure. I had another client who wanted coaching because he had a dilemma. He had to work with some co-workers he didn’t get along with, and he couldn’t transfer and he didn’t want to leave company. In coaching, he discovered he was having same sort of power struggles at home he was having at work. It centered around emotional intelligence competencies he needed to develop. He liked to control things at work, and also his wife and kids at home, but it wasn’t getting him what he wanted.

SD: So coaching work made him a more effective co-worker and also a more effective husband and parent?

Mark: He did a lot of work and outcome was very favorable. He achieved his goals.