3. Reward success. The most fundamental law in all of psychology is “law of effect.” It simply states that actions followed by rewards are strengthened and likely to recur. Unfortunately, studies show that people rarely use this technique when trying to change personal habits. Dieters, for example, routinely overlook weeks of exercise and restrained eating, only to let a single lapse “snowball” into a total relapse and complete collapse.

Setting up formal or informal rewards for success greatly increases your chances of transforming bad habits into good ones, and is far more effective than punishing yourself for bad habits or setbacks.

4. Schedule your bad habits. If you are really struggling to kick a bad habit, try limiting habit to a specific time and place. If you are struggling to quit cigarettes, allow yourself to smoke from 9-9:30pm, and only in an uncomfortable “smoking stool.” When urge to smoke strikes, tell yourself that you’ll have plenty of time to smoke during your pre-scheduled smoking period. Research and case studies confirm that this rather unconventional approach can be a useful first step in changing bad habits.

Copyright © 2004 Stephen Kraus, Ph.D.

REFERENCES

The findings and recommendations in this article are based on scientific research published in peer-reviewed journals. For complete references, see Psychological Foundations of Success: A Harvard-Trained Scientist Separates Science of Success from Self-Help Snake Oil by Stephen Kraus, Ph.D.

The heights of emotion do not last. In case of positive emotions, we are sorry. In case of negative emotions, we are delighted. Think back on some major disappointment in your life, and process back over your emotional reactions. Surely there was anger, grief, sadness, frustration, even depression when it first occurred. (Or shock, which is a shutting down of emotions for protective purposes.) A week later, how did you feel? A month later? Now?

You can retrace same with positive emotions. Put another way, “after honeymoon comes marriage.” But don’t let this thought dismay you. It isn’t “why bother because I’ll always go back to a low level.” Part of developing your emotional intelligence is being able to tolerate greater levels of emotion. And things overall can become much more positive. After all, for most of us it’s downward spiral after a failure or loss that’s most difficult to manage.

This receding of initial emotion will be course unless you’ve failed to develop resilience, an emotional intelligence competency. Resilience means being able to bounce back from failure, disappointment and loss without losing your enthusiasm and hope for future. The only permanent damage from any deep emotional event would be if you came out of it bitter, cynical, or hopeless and unable to move on.

Learn to manage your emotions so you can keep a more even keel, enjoying good, tolerating bad, and knowing each will pass. This allows you to more greatly appreciate good things, by way. Sooner or later we learn to grab moment when it’s good, yes? How many times have you heard someone say, “I didn’t appreciate it when I had it?” That would be a real loss in your life, yes?

This is not about losing enthusiasm for achievements and goals. This is about laying foundation that will allow you to maneuver better in all you do, have better outcomes and not sabotage yourself.

You see, we obstacles we throw in our own way are ones we need to eliminate. The fear of success and fear of failure are both about emotions. After all, result of success is a high state of emotion, and result of failure is a high state of emotion. Get beyond that. Go for your successes! Learn to manage your failures! Learn emotional intelligence.