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7.Not checking out his attitude toward women. How does he treat his mother? Your friends? His sister?
8.Trusting only your intellect. This means gathering facts, listening to experts, not checking in with your intuition, and listening to advice blindly.
Let’s say your best friend, who’s very perceptive, tells you he’s a womanizer. I’d give that some weight, but I’d check it out myself. It won’t be hard. Give it time, stay awake and you’ll see.
Another example – You made
list of what you wanted. There he is in front of you, lacking 3 of 6 items on your list, but you adore him. You really click. That’s a good time to go back and rethink your list. You’re always entitled to change your mind.
9. Trusting only your feelings. Come now, do you really think you can make a life with someone who is (admittedly) darling and sexy BUT hates your religion, has different morals and ethics than you do, has already alienated your father, wants 6 kids while you don’t want any, refuses to “let” you work, and has already ordered you to get rid of your cat?
This is like allowing yourself to fall in love with a married man. Just go stick an ice pick in your eyeball instead.
10.Misunderstanding nature of feelings. Our emotions give us information. They don’t demand behavior.
When I was a teenager I was dating a creep. My father told me I had to quit seeing him. “But I love him,” I said. Said he: “Love someone else.”
No, you can’t manufacture feelings, but neither must you obey their call. They do not have to be acted upon. They can be “taken under advisement" and thought through.
©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks on relationships, emotional intelligence, career, transitions, retirement. Susan is the author of “Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women.” For FREE EQ ezine, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc with “ezine” for subject line.
