There was just one wee problem. Whilst I had been enjoying fireworks, crowd had swollen. From craning my neck upwards to enjoy fireworks for last half hour, upon looking straight ahead again, I couldn't see stage at all. Now, I'm not tallest boy, so, it was a case of standing on tip toes, but to no avail. Nothing. Not a jot. The ruddy stage had disappeared!

The Orb had taken to stage, this much was patently obvious, as crowd were roaring their approval, and if I looked up into sky, laser show was happening, but, Jesus, I couldn't see a thing. Not to worry, Little Fluffy Clouds was being played and it sounded fantastic, so I didn't care too much. What was important was music, I kept telling myself.

Seemed odd though, 'cos bloke right in front of me was loving it. I could tell. He was facing me and he had a huge grin plastered all over his face. So was his girlfriend. She was by his side, also facing me, and, like him, was grinning broadly …

Well, eventually, all good things must come to an end. The set had been well over an hour long, my calves were aching from all tip toeing, so I was kind of relieved, to be honest.

The Orb finished their set, and crowd gradually began to disperse. I hung around for a bit, just relaxing, enjoying night air, a bit knackered, but happy.

Finally, I decided it was about time I got back to my tent, whilst I could still remember what it looked like, and that was when it happened. I turned round, to head back, and there, only 20 yards or so away, was fucking main stage.

I'd got so out of it, so into firework display that I'd forgotten to turn back round after. No wonder that bloke and his girlfriend had been facing me, enjoying The Orb.

They'd been facing stage.

© Copyright Holmes Charnley mmiv. All rights reserved.

In case you think I am down on all reality TV, there are some shows that actually are not that bad.

For example, American Idol, biggest reality TV show of all. It was worth watching just to see Simon and Paula kiss and new, invigorated half-of-Randy agreeing with Simon on almost everything this year.

For example, Canadian Idol, which 3.5 Canadians are aware of.

For example, Australian Idol, except for Guy guy's hairdo, which IS that bad.

Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Loss Challenge is another reality show I like. He took real overweight people who wanted to change not just their bodies but their outlooks on life.

What did these two shows have in common? Both were competitions. Both involved trying to better oneself. Nobody had to vote each other off and they were all one team. Nobody was encouraged to hate. Nobody was encouraged to cheat. In fact, they supported each other emotionally. Imagine that on a desert island. Why, that would almost be real.

Dr. Phil and Idol machine make sure that everybody walks away a winner. Of course, that's no more real than packing men and women together in tight corners with little clothing and prodding them to cheat on their soon-to-be-exes back home. But it is more tasteful, and perhaps more "educational".

But what is most real about these shows is that their real dreams were fulfilled and their real lives have changed as a result.

I have another name for all these new shows, good and bad alike, a name that fits them better than "reality TV". I call them "game shows."

What? That name's been taken? Price Is Right? Truth Or Consequences? Wheel of Fortune?

Hmm. I suppose new reality TV shows are almost as new as they are real. If people want reality, I suppose they could just turn off their TV sets. If they want new, they might just have to improvise.