In reality, many different relationship dynamics are possible between two people. Simply because you feel controlled or feel distance in one relationship does not mean same thing will happen to you in every relationship with any person.

To change this, get to know and build friendships with couples who are not as you described above. Work on realizing just how many different relationships are around you and what kind of a relationship you want.

3. Complete following sentence with a few words that readily come to mind:

I deserve many positive things in a partner, except _________________, which I don't feel I deserve.

Have you ever been given these kinds of things from others? If you have, was it because you earned these somehow or did something to become deserving?

How does one come to deserve love, attention, affection, time? Many singles secretly believe only way they will get love is to somehow buy it - either literally by spending money in a relationship, or figuratively by over-compromising themselves. Others believe they simply deserve only what they have been given in past, which was often not enough.

The third step in fixing a broken partner-picker is to realize that you deserve love, attention, affection, time, etc. You don't have to do anything to earn it except to be yourself. This is your inherent right as a human being.

To change your feelings about what you deserve, get to know and build friendships with people who readily give you THE thing you feel you do not deserve.

Complete this exercise with a friend and share your results with each other. Get some feedback from people who care about you on ideas you came up with. With this feedback, you will be well on your way to fixing that pesky partner-picker.

Your Relationship Coach, Rinatta Paries www.WhatItTakes.com

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

Eat good food that nourishes your body, eyes and soul. Eat leisurely and just eat. Don't think about anything except enjoying food, your surroundings and leisure. Then, relax. Sleep if you need to.

When your body and mind have rested, take whatever time you need to fully consider these three questions and write your answers your new journal:

A. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT, MOST VALUABLE AND MOST SIGNIFICANT TO ME IN LIFE?

These may be character traits, relationships, habits, aspirations, events and possessions. There are no right answers, only YOUR answers. Do not evaluate your list on basis of what others may think. Start with a clean page. The first change in your thinking will be to find only things that honestly reflect what YOU value. No 'shoulds, ought-tos, or musts'. Not what anyone has told you is right. Just what is important to you.

B. IF I BASED MY LIFE CHOICES SQUARELY ON MY ANSWERS ABOVE, HOW WOULD I SPEND MY TIME, MY ENERGY AND MY MONEY?

One good way of developing this answer is to create an ideal week for yourself. As you do that, beware of 'should' gremlins looking over your shoulder. It is your week in your life. Your responsibility is to have it reflect what you say you value. Notice what fits and what does not fit. You may have to prioritize. Stick with project until you have a week that is so appealing you can hardly wait to begin.

OK, let's stop for a reality check. Have you designed a week's vacation or a week that truly reflects what you want your life to be all about? Your optimal design will be for a week that you could repeat forever, one that you would feel very good about in every way.

C. WHAT ARE THE FIRST FIVE THINGS YOU CAN DO TO BEGIN MATCHING YOUR CURRENT LIFE WITH YOUR IDEAL LIFE?

Take this in small steps. In fact, take it in what I call TTDC's, Teeny, Tiny, DoAble Chunks. Choose five small things you can accomplish or change this week.

Whether you are changing your physical surroundings, your relationship, your attitude or your behavior, start small. Celebrate often. Progress is cumulative. Just keep going forward.

Stop regularly to review your progress, re-commit to your values, and choose next five things to do. Once this becomes a habit, you're on your way to your ideal life. You are on your way to being 'retired'!