Essence of InfidelityWritten by Susan Sheppard
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that I subscribe to, women have power in relationship and their job is to provide appetite, which challenges man who loves her to produce results. The man who wants to please his woman will produce those results as long as she believes in him and respects him as producer. The other component in this neat little package is sex. Men will do anything for sex. Women love sex as much as men do; it’s just not socially acceptable for them to say so. Men get their pleasure from a woman’s pleasure and “most women lie to men about their satisfaction” which leads to giant gap in presumption that marriage presumes passionate, romantic love and fidelity are highest values. Women on whole are not able to maintain level of energy and self esteem necessary to always validate for a man what sexually satisfies her. Thus communication regarding sex gets distorted. Men, unless someone instructs them, can not be expected to know what areas of a woman’s body are responsive to erotic touch. It’s different for every woman (man too). So here’s what happens. Women get pregnant. Pregnancy creates enormous changes in a woman’s body and physiology, which at times do not make sex appealing. Women become mothers. Parenting, especially mothering is a 24-hour job, which includes massive sleep deprivation, and instincts, which consume even most, prepared. Generally, both men and women have jobs, which consume time and energy. Women also feel responsible for upkeep of home. Not that men do not, but somehow for a woman five million years of homemaking has become instinctual. So what does this entire story mean? It means life gets in way of relationship and unless some time and energy is devoted to relationship as an entity, that state of “in love” that everyone marries into will disintegrate.There are exceptions, but generally speaking most people do not intend to cheat on their spouse after wedding nor do they intentionally pursue an affair. So here is how an affair begins. One or other partner is not getting his/her needs met for whatever reasons. That person encounters someone at work, or at a party, or in neighborhood, who notices him/her and sees something that attracts. There is nothing like a flirtation to restore a sense of self-esteem. Initially, married person resists but enjoys attention. That person then goes home to his/her spouse and hints that he/she needs more attention. The spouse at home who assumes that because they are married, everything is great and there is always time for taking care of spouse later, ignores hint That, my friends, is beginning of affair. When one partner seeks emotional or physical or intellectual support from someone of opposite sex outside of marriage, seeds have been sown.The marriage is taken for granted. The almighty wedding ring is supposed to be able to bind people to their vows automatically. This is false presumption that leads us to incorrigible statistic that 80% of marriages are affected by infidelity. Marriage doesn’t work by itself. It takes two people who pay attention to each other’s needs. It takes two people who believe in each other and validate each other. It takes two people who want to love each other and who continually approve of each other which allows vulnerability necessary to be honest about their personal needs.What should be done about reversing this destructive trend? Marriage encounters? Premarital counseling? Relationship coaching? Pre-marital coaching would be best. Determine if person you are marrying meets your standards and that you are not just settling because he/she is almost what you want and you might not find anyone better. Second best would be to stop an affair before it happens. This could be accomplished by paying attention to your relationship and not taking anything for granted. Decreasing number of affairs would probably make a difference in divorce rate. Preventative would seem to be preferable, but some people need to get hit by a board before they wake up and realize they are in jeopardy. Ideas are welcome. What do you think are cause and effect of infidelity? Web site: www.gettingwhatyouwant.com Buy my book www.HowToGetWhatYouWantFromYourManAnytime.com Enroll in an e-course www.RomanceReentry.com e-mail me at Susan@gettingwhatyouwant.com
Susan Sheppard is the founder of Getting What You Want, a life and relationship coaching organization created for the purpose of promoting sacred intimacy in all personal relationships : romantic, parental, sibling, friendship and business. She is the author of the book “How to Get What You Want From Your Man Anytime”, a relationship book that tells everyone in romantic relationships how to be content and have more fun, more sex and less bickering.
| | Pick Up Your Pen and Lose Weight!Written by Patti Testerman
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Journaling to lose weight also involves writing about how your food choices will make you feel tomorrow when you get on scale, or when you sit down to journal again. And, as you write these letters to self, you’ll quickly begin to connect dots, and track ways in which everyday life impacts your food choices. Keeping a journal will also help with weight loss because it’s almost impossible to get to know yourself on a deep, intimate level and then continue with self-destructive behavior. Fortunately, we’re just not made that way. So tonight, instead of settling in with a pizza and beer, take some time to write a letter to yourself and analyze what your hunger is really about. I guarantee you, it isn’t food. Copyright 2004 Patti Testerman
Patti Testerman is content manager at JournalGenie.com, the only online site that analyzes your writing and then gives you instant feedback. Want to discover self-defeating patterns, or find better ways to communicate in a relationship? Check out our site.
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