Continued from page 1
How often have you heard - "Sorry 'bout that, give me
details and I'll sort this out for you." Far better to say - "I apologise for …."
And if you really need to use "sorry" word, make sure to include it as part of a full sentence. "I'm sorry you haven't received that information as promised Mr Smith." (Again, it's good practise to use person's name).
There are other things you can say instead of sorry -
12. Empathise
The important thing to realise when dealing with a difficult person is to:
Deal with their feelings - then deal with their problem.
Using empathy is an effective way to deal with a person's feelings. Empathy isn't about agreement, only acceptance of what person is saying and feeling. Basically message is - "I understand how you feel."
Obviously this has to be a genuine response, person will realise if you're insincere and they'll feel patronised.
Examples of an empathy response would be - "I can understand that you're angry," or "I see what you mean." Again, these responses need to be genuine.
13. Build Rapport
Sometimes it's useful to add another phrase to empathy response, including yourself in picture. - "I can understand how you feel, I don't like it either when that happens to me" This has effect of getting on other persons side and builds rapport.
Some people get concerned when using this response, as they believe it'll lead to "Well why don't you do something about it then." The majority of people won't respond this way if they realise that you are a reasonable and caring person. If they do, then continue empathising and tell person what you'll do about situation.
14. Under promise - over deliver
Whatever you say to resolve a situation, don't make a rod for your own back. We are often tempted in a difficult situation to make promises that are difficult to keep. We say things like - "I'll get this sorted this afternoon and phone you back." It may be difficult to get it sorted "this afternoon". Far better to say - "I'll get this sorted by tomorrow lunchtime." Then phone them back that afternoon or early next morning and they'll think you're great.
You don't win them all
Remember, everyone gets a little mad from time to time, and you won't always be able to placate everyone, - there's no magic formula. However, majority of people in this world are reasonable people and if you treat them as such, then they're more likely to respond in a positive manner.
Some more thoughts
These notes are primarily designed to help deal with difficult people when we have made a mistake. We often have to deal with other people where we have not made a mistake however people we're dealing with often prove to be difficult and unwilling to accept what we say.
We therefore need to demonstrate assertive behaviour that helps us communicate clearly and confidently our needs, wants and feelings to other people without abusing in any way their human rights.
Some books to read
A Woman in Your Own Right - Anne Dickson
Feel Fear and Do It Anyway - Susan Jeffers
Irresistibility - Philippa Davis
Why Men don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps - Allan & Barbara Pease
