1. Don't get Hooked !!!

When people behave towards you in a manner that makes you feel angry, frustrated or annoyed - this is known as a Hook.

We can even become "Hooked" by way people look, how they talk, how they smell and even by their general demeanour.

If we take bait then we are allowing other person to control our behaviour. This can then result in an unproductive response.

We have a choice whether we decided to get hooked or stay unhooked.

2. Don't let them get to you.

We often allow other persons attitude to irritate or annoy us. This becomes obvious to other person through our tone of voice and our body language. This only fuels a difficult situation.

When dealing with difficult people, stay out of it emotionally and concentrate on listening non-defensively and actively. People may make disparaging and emotional remarks - don't rise to bait!

3. Listen - listen - listen

Look and sound like you're listening. - When face-to-face you need to look interested, nod your head and keep good eye contact. Over 'phone - you need to make occasional "Uh Hu - I See"

If other person senses that you care and that you're interested in their problem, then they're likely to become more reasonable.

4. Get all facts - write them down.

Repeat back (paraphrase) problem to ensure your understanding and to let other person know that you are listening.

5. Use names

A persons name is one of warmest sounds they hear. It says that you have recognised them as an individual. It is important not to overdo it as it may come across as patronising to other person. Make sure they know your name and that you'll take ownership for problem.

6. DON'T blame someone or something else.

7. Watch out for people's egos

"Don't interrupt "Don't argue "Don't jump in with solutions "Allow them to let off steam "Don't say, "Calm down".

8. See it from other person's point of view

Too often we think "difficult" person is making too much fuss. We think - "What's big deal; I'll fix it right away". It is a big deal for other person and they want you to appreciate it.

You don't necessarily need to agree with person however you accept fact that it's a problem for them.

9. Be very aware of your body language and tone of voice

We often exacerbate a situation without realising it. Our tone of voice and our body language can often contradict what we're saying. We may be saying sorry however our tone and our body language may be communicating our frustration and annoyance. People listen with their eyes and will set greater credence on how you say something rather than what you say. It's also important to use a warm tone of voice when dealing with a difficult situation. This doesn't mean being "nicey- nicey" or behaving in a non-assertive manner.

10. Words to avoid

There are certain trigger words that can cause people to become more difficult especially in emotionally charged situations. These include:

"You have to" - "But" - "I want you to" - "I need you to" - "It's company policy" - "I can't or You can't" - "Jargon" or "Buzz" words - "Sorry" - "I'll try" 11. Stop saying Sorry

So how does it work? Very simply - subconscious mind stores ‘things’ gathered from our senses, our experiences, our genes, and everything that we come in contact with and see. The stored ‘things’ are harmless, but useful, unless subjected to bad programming - a bit like a computer, data will sit in memory banks until accessed. If accessed and manipulated incorrectly then wrong information will be displayed. Programming mind is a learning process of clear and precise repetition. The combination of stored things and programming, influence our belief systems. This impacts on our confidence, or lack of, our opinions, our mannerisms, etc.