Dealing with Anger

Written by Dr. Marilyn Manning


Continued from page 1

Ask, “Is it worth it?” Pick your battles. Isrepparttar situation really worth fighting for. Some are, some aren’t. Is it worth losing control over, looking foolish, being inappropriate?

Are you in charge, or are you giving up your power? If you are letting someone else make you angry, you are giving themrepparttar 123171 power. Assert your own power and take control. If you can’t calm down and speak without emotion, take a few moments to write down your thoughts. Read aloud what is appropriate forrepparttar 123172 situation.

Admit that anger is an issue and take charge by keeping an “anger” journal and seek some support and coaching. To truly learn to control your emotions, write down every incident that triggers your frustration or impatience. Spend a few minutes atrepparttar 123173 end of your workday to do this. Keeprepparttar 123174 journal for 2-3 weeks. You will become acutely aware of what triggers your reactions. This gives yourepparttar 123175 power to choose new more constructive reactions.

Whether you use internal resources or seek outside help, takingrepparttar 123176 first step is usuallyrepparttar 123177 hardest.

When I was hired to coach Jason, I asked him to follow these steps. After he kept an anger journal for 2 weeks, he could see thatrepparttar 123178 stimuli that triggered his impatience was when his staff “interrupted” him about things that could really wait. He not only learned to curb his impatience, but he scheduled regular one-on-one time with his reports. He asked that they save their questions forrepparttar 123179 meetings. He also made himself available for staff time every day from 4-5. Staff learned to be more sensitive to his needs as he showed a willingness to be more available to help them.

The president of Michael’s company asked me to work with Michael on his “moods.” Michael admitted that his life was totally out of balance. He admitted that his wife and two children were very frustrated with his work schedule. He said he loved work and getting things done, but was feelingrepparttar 123180 strain and not really having fun. Besides keeping a log of his “frustrations,” we also examined his weekly schedule. He was able to cut back on some hours, hire a needed assistant, and commit to taking some of his vacation days. Within 6 months, he got his life back into some balance. He is still a workaholic, but he is better at setting some limits. He is no longer expressing his anger inappropriately inrepparttar 123181 workplace.

In coaching Mina, we concluded that she does not haverepparttar 123182 patience to manage staff. We were able to put her into a position as an individual contributor, minimizing her time with others. We gave her examples of how negatively her behavior and attitude were impacting staff, and she improved temporarily. However, when not closely supervised, Mina would lash out again. The company’s insistence on her improving seemed to berepparttar 123183 motivator for her to take a job with another company. Mayberepparttar 123184 fresh start was better for all involved.

Remember, when you coach your staff, some are always more receptive than others. To control anger,repparttar 123185 person has to haverepparttar 123186 desire to change.

Master these steps yourself, then coach your staff to dorepparttar 123187 same. We can only teach what we can model. Use discipline to practice and master these steps, then you can guide your staff to control their emotions.

The best leaders are those who can handle stress and crisis well. How we do under pressure is how our success is ultimately judged.

Marilyn Manning, Ph.D., CSP, CMC, facilitates change and motivates others to resolve difficult workplace conflicts through interactive speeches, workshops, and consulting. Dr. Manning specializes in Leadership, Teamwork, Conflict Mediation, Executive Coaching, Meeting Facilitation, Strategic Planning, and Communication. She has authored seven business books, published in eight languages. Over 80% of her work is repeat business.


Embrace Diversity to Build Effective Teams

Written by Dr. Marilyn Manning


Continued from page 1

If your team doesn’t have clear, measurable ground rules, I suggest you hold a session to develop them. What follows is a process I have successfully facilitated with many diverse teams from executives, to front-line workers, to politicians, to Boards of Directors. The process uses personal values asrepparttar basis for developing team ground rules. The ground rules can then be used as a basis for definingrepparttar 123169 team norms and expectations.

STEP ONE: Have each individual submitrepparttar 123170 five values that are most important to them inrepparttar 123171 workplace. Examples would be “honesty,” “accuracy,” “teamwork,” “risk-taking.”

STEP TWO: As a group, prioritizerepparttar 123172 values and choose 3-5 everyone can agree to.

STEP THREE: Discuss each value: why it’s important,

STEP FOUR: Identify which behaviors and actions reinforce this value, and which behaviors can undermine it or are non-reinforcing.

Setting Ground Rules: 1. Individually list values. 2. Gain consensus on 3-5 values. 3. Discuss why each value is important. 4. List how we can reinforcerepparttar 123173 value and what we should avoid.

Example: “Respect” Respect is important on any team. It is needed to build loyalty and mutual trust. We can reinforce respect by seeking others’ input regarding decisions that may affect them. We undermine respect when we change direction without giving others an explanation.

I highly recommend taking your team through this exercise on values and ground rules. I have used this process to build teamwork, to resolve interpersonal conflicts, and to get teams refocused. It is not a discussion to be rushed, or taken lightly.

I suggest you consider using an outside facilitator when defining value-based expectations. As a leader, being a participant in this process will be most enlightening. You will learn a lot about your team members. And, they will setrepparttar 123174 norms. When a team fully participates in defining and enforcingrepparttar 123175 norms, a new level of ownership happens.

It is more manageable to set only a few ground rules at a time. Whenrepparttar 123176 team keeps its focus on one or two areas,repparttar 123177 chance for success are greater. Ask your team: “What arerepparttar 123178 behaviors our team needs to focus on forrepparttar 123179 next quarter?”

I recently worked with two divisions withinrepparttar 123180 same company - research and development vs. sales and marketing. They had a history of conflict. They both felt undermined by each other. They assumed thatrepparttar 123181 other team never listened. There was plenty of finger pointing, blaming and passingrepparttar 123182 buck.

After a lively discussion of values and expectations, they agreed on just one ground rule. “I will meet my deadlines.” “If, on rare occasion, I must extendrepparttar 123183 deadline, I will negotiate with all affected parties to reach a mutual agreement onrepparttar 123184 new deadline. I will notify all parties of any change at least 24 hours ahead.”

The two teams found that when everyone followed this one practice, it completely changedrepparttar 123185 way they worked together. A new level of respect and consideration happened. I also challenged them to have a strong consequence if someone slipped and brokerepparttar 123186 ground rule. They all agreed that anyone slipping would have to bring delicious food for everyone atrepparttar 123187 next meeting and would have to offer to help other team members with their tasks.

The team reported that only two people “slipped” inrepparttar 123188 next month. The two who slipped did buy food forrepparttar 123189 next meeting and helped out with others’ tasks. The purpose of settingrepparttar 123190 ground rules is to establish new improved behaviors asrepparttar 123191 norm. Whenrepparttar 123192 team levies consequences, it reinforcesrepparttar 123193 desired changes. The idea of ground rules is to institutionalize improved interactions. Ground rules can changerepparttar 123194 way we work together. It can help us make a positive cultural change inrepparttar 123195 organization.

Team ground rules can be used for setting expectations on daily interactions, for running better meetings, and for project management.

If your team is experiencing interpersonal conflict or a lack of productivity,repparttar 123196 chances are that ineffective leadership is playing a big role inrepparttar 123197 problem. Don’t give up trying to turn your group into a real team. Ask for help and team coaching.

Marilyn Manning, Ph.D., CSP, CMC, facilitates change and motivates others to resolve difficult workplace conflicts through interactive speeches, workshops, and consulting. Dr. Manning specializes in Leadership, Teamwork, Conflict Mediation, Executive Coaching, Meeting Facilitation, Strategic Planning, and Communication. She has authored seven business books, published in eight languages. Over 80% of her work is repeat business.


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