Mixed Messages

The words of a conversation are transmitted on an invisible carrier wave of emotion. More powerful than words alone, emotion is "louder."

Consequently, one of worst things you can do is lie about your feelings or try to hide them. All that does is send mixed messages and make others feel as if they are standing on shaky ground, causing all manner of silent alarms and red alert signals to clamor through their energy field. There is a dreadful, unsettling feeling that comes with that "everything looks okay, so why does it feel so bad and where is danger really coming from?" feeling that usually throbs in your stomach and raises your hackles.

Just as it is easy to tell when someone is being emotionally incongruent, it can be equally difficult to know when you are doing it yourself. It can be extremely difficult for people who hold a high value for peace or kindness to be honest with themselves, or anyone else for that matter, about their darker emotions. It can generate a deep inner conflict to have "hateful" feelings when you see yourself as a "nice" person. If you have been a victim of emotional violence, it can be even more difficult.

If You Want To Be Emotionally Congruent ...

Over time, people automatically suppress feelings they judge to be "bad." This leads to acute emotional incongruence. What can be so crazy making is you can't feel feelings you are transmitting to others. If you want to be emotionally congruent, you must recognize importance of learning to feel safe with all your emotions. Look to see role fear or anger has played in your life.

In case of Kevin and Melissa, it is likely that Melissa had some old feelings, of which she was unaware, triggered by her interaction with Kevin, who then picked up on uncomfortable residue and put up his defenses. It is entirely possible that Melissa was being perfectly sincere in her statement that there was nothing more, simply because she was not in touch with her deeper feelings.

That’s way it works with attitude and dating. You get a "destination" in your mind, where you are heading, and then, both consciously and unconsciously, you notice things and make choices that get you there. So it is very important, if you want success, to have success as your destination.

I am convinced, that for everyone who wants one, there is a perfect mate Out There. And, if you are looking, it is crucial for you to believe that too.

The question is where this person is, finding him or her, and how long it will take. Those are real questions.

So can you believe? Can you adopt an attitude of bemused curiosity? Of wondering who your sweetheart will be and when and where he or she will manifest themselves? Of readying your life to accommodate sharing with another? Of hopeful expectancy? Of an opening to possibility and an acceptance of what is to come?

Just try an Attitude Adjustment and see what happens.