Change the Words and Change the World

Written by Kevin B. Burk, Author of The Relationship Handbook


Continued from page 1

If we become aware that we've fallen into an ego trap, we simply use our awareness to escaperepparttar trap. We need only remember that every belief, no matter how limiting, served us well at one time. Many beliefs were created to help us survive difficult and painful situations in our past. However, we're no longer in those situations. Our circumstances have changed, and we have more experience and new skills that can serve us better now. We've simply outgrownrepparttar 122240 need forrepparttar 122241 old beliefs. We can release them because we have more elegant options available to us now.

CHOICE The third and final step is choice. Once we are aware of our beliefs and own them, we have absolute control over them. We can now choose to alter our beliefs, and change our reality. We have repparttar 122242 power to change our lives completely in an instant--we simply need to choose to do so now. I'm sure you've heard similar motivational statements from any number of sources. While it is essentially true that we can change our lives with a simple choice, it's also important to readrepparttar 122243 fine print: We have to continue to make that same choice over and over and over and over and over again. The now when we chose to change our lives is already inrepparttar 122244 past. We have to keep choosing until our new choices, expectations, and beliefs have become habit. We have to continue to choose until our new choices become second nature to us.

Our past experiences certainly influence us. They shape our beliefs, and our expectations. As long as we continue to let ourselves be guided byrepparttar 122245 past, we will create similar experiences inrepparttar 122246 future. The past does not equalrepparttar 122247 future--unless we choose to carryrepparttar 122248 past with us. The cliché, "there's no time likerepparttar 122249 present" is not entirely correct. The truth is that there's no time exceptrepparttar 122250 present. The only time that matters is now. The past is irrelevant;repparttar 122251 future does not exist yet. The only place where we can act, where we can create, where we can choose is now.

Whilerepparttar 122252 past does not need to influence or shaperepparttar 122253 future, many ofrepparttar 122254 choices and thoughts and expectations that we held inrepparttar 122255 past are old habits--and asrepparttar 122256 saying goes, old habits are hard to break. This isrepparttar 122257 one arena whererepparttar 122258 progress of technology has almost eliminated a perfectly good metaphor. Remember vinyl records? Those big things that came before CDs? The groove of a record represents our old patterns. Records could get scratched--that's one ofrepparttar 122259 reasons that CDs are so popular, actually--and a scratch represents a change or a break inrepparttar 122260 old pattern. The only way to truly changerepparttar 122261 old pattern is to interrupt it enough times that a new pattern starts to form. Our patterns are exactly like grooves in records. The olderrepparttar 122262 pattern,repparttar 122263 deeperrepparttar 122264 groove, andrepparttar 122265 more interruptions it will take before we make any permanent changes inrepparttar 122266 pattern. Each time we notice that we have reverted back to our old, negative behaviors, we choose to take a different path.

Sometimes we can get so caught up in our old patterns that it seems like we can't stop ourselves. It's essential that we do not beat ourselves up for not being able to change old habits and behaviors onrepparttar 122267 first try (or evenrepparttar 122268 second or third try)! We may not have completely eliminatedrepparttar 122269 pattern, but we did change it: The fact that we were aware that we were acting out an old pattern is, in itself, a change in that pattern. Each time we encounterrepparttar 122270 pattern, we will become aware of it sooner. Eventually, we will also be able to interruptrepparttar 122271 pattern. And when we can interrupt our old patterns, we haverepparttar 122272 power to choose different, more elegant and supportive responses.



Kevin B. Burk is the author of The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life. Visit http://www.everyrelationship.com for a FREE report on creating AMAZING Relationships.


The Nature of Anger

Written by Kevin B. Burk, Author of The Relationship Handbook


Continued from page 1
respected by others. When someone crosses a boundary, that expectation has not been met. The first thing we do is grieve repparttar death ofrepparttar 122239 expectation that other people will respect our boundaries. We feel unsafe because our boundary has been violated. But we also experience fear. We're afraid that things will never change: that our boundaries will not protect us because other people will not honor them. Our anger, however, is what allows us to change this. Our anger gives usrepparttar 122240 strength to defend ourselves. Our anger gives usrepparttar 122241 power andrepparttar 122242 courage to stand up and demand that our boundaries be respected. Our anger, in fact, enables us to feel safe again. Expressing our anger helps us to redefine and reinforce our boundaries. We know we can defend ourselves, and therefore we feel safe.

When we don't express our anger in healthy, conscious ways, we buy intorepparttar 122243 fear that things will never change. We feel unsafe. More importantly, we expect that we will always feel unsafe. Unexpressed anger inevitably turns to resentment and depression.

Anger is our call to awareness. Our anger encourages us to become conscious of a limiting belief. The key to experiencing anger in a healing way is to own our anger. We can then choose how to express our anger. We do not need to lash out, nor do we need to hurt anyone with our anger. Instead, we can choose to alter our thinking, changerepparttar 122244 limiting belief, and reclaim another piece of our true selves. When we embrace and understand repparttar 122245 true nature of anger, anger can empower us, and help us to feel truly safe.

Kevin B. Burk is the author of The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life. Visit http://www.everyrelationship.com for a FREE report on creating AMAZING Relationships.


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