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Here’s an example: Mary wants to talk to John about her discomfort when he regularly leaves lid off toothpaste. She tells him that it really bothers her and, although she knows it is her issue, she would like his help with it.
His choices: A. “Oh, I didn’t know it bothered you that much. I love you and I will be happy to put lid on toothpaste.” (This man is a paragon of virtue ready for sainthood!)
B. “Oh, tell me more about that because I don’t understand it at all.” (He has some communication skills.)
C. “Oh, there you go again. You always have something to complain about. You’re just like your mother. (Oops, we’re soon likely to forget that issue is lid on toothpaste!)
D. “Get over it! Get a life! or Give it up, _____!” ( We are certainly not going to solve ‘lid on toothpaste’ issue in near future.)
Now we can have " ten-for-the-price-of-one" conversations. The issue will come up again and again and become an ongoing example of Mary’s unreasonableness every time John wants to end a conversation. Recognize this? It’s common.
Try this. Stop and take a breath before you say those fated words that you really know may take you into a "10-for-1" conversation. Be curious. Ask for more information. Truly listen and intend to learn something about other person. This has a way of changing relationships for better. Here’s to Albert’s formula for success!
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD Keynotes, Seminars & Coaching for entrepreneurs & professionals who want the motivation & strategies to achieve, to lead and to live richly. Creator of the Living Richly™ Program Host of Living Richly™ on www.wsRadio.ws. Author of OPTIMIZE Your Day! Practical Wisdom for Optimal Living Optimize Life Now! San Diego, CA www.OptimizeLifeNow.com