If it is not important to you to just be with your children – talking with them, playing with them, taking a walk, holding them, listening to them, sharing love with them, gazing at them with love – then they will likely not feel loved by you. No matter how many things you buy them, or how often you tell them you love them, if they are not important enough to you to REALLY be with them, then it is likely they will not feel loved and cherished by you.

Your children need your focused attention, and when they don’t get it, they may pull for it in various ways. They may chatter on and on, trying to keep your attention. They may act out by fighting with each other, or by not listening to you or going into resistance regarding chores, homework, hygiene, bedtime, and so on. For many children, even negative attention feels better than no attention. This may create a very negative vicious circle, in that more they act out, less you feeling like being with them, but less you are with them in a loving and attentive way, more they may act out.

Think about how you feel when someone gives you his or her full attention. Doesn’t it feel wonderful? How often does someone look you in eyes and give you his or her full attention? How often do you feel really listened to and heard by someone? Unfortunately, many people are so intent on being listened to and heard that they don’t listen and hear.

The simple act of being fully present with your children will do more for them than you can imagine. I have many clients who were deeply impacted by a friend or relative who really listened to them – even if it only occurred occasionally.

You have an opportunity to give your children a great gift – being fully present with them with your love, compassion, empathy, interest, sense of humor, playfulness, and affection. You have opportunity each day, even if it is just for half an hour, to fully cherish them.

They grow up so fast. Don’t miss this opportunity each day.

You can keep in theme of surprising mom-to-be by going extra mile. By ensuring that an unexpected baby shower guest is able to make it. Ask close friends of this baby shower guest to help with cost of travel. If this is necessary as part of mom-to-be’s gift. She will probably love that more than a baby shower gift!

You can also play baby shower games with surprise themes. Try playing “diaper surprise” game by passing out diapers to all of guests. With one of them having a “mess” inside (you can use chocolate or bean dip, or use your imagination). The one who gets messy diaper wins a prize.

Or if mom-to-be is expecting a boy, you can play “pin diaper on baby”. Just before your blind-folded guest of honor goes to place diaper on baby. Squirt her with a water pistol to simulate “surprise” often associated with changing a baby boy’s diaper!

Sometimes, no matter how hard you work to keep baby shower a surprise. Your mom-to-be may find out about it. Don’t let this get you down, though. There will be some elements of surprise for her. Whether she is expecting baby shower or not.

It might be unexpected guests, party favors, or an exotic cake. There will be plenty there that she didn’t count on!