5.) A clock radio that has a Sony CCD camera gives you a crystal clear image. I prefer a CCD to a CMOS camera because of its superior performance.

6.) The clock radio, providing it has quality components, has enough range to transmit video through walls to far end of your house without compromising image quality.

7.) A clock radio with a lux rating of 0.05 or lower performs well under low light conditions. A nanny cam with a lux rating of 1.0 or higher produces a poor and grainy image in dim lighting. Let's face it; a nanny cam that won't allow you to see what's going on in a room with low light is almost worthless.

8.) A good clock radio nanny cam is usually equipped with a 3.7 mm lens which provides a great wide angle view of room.

9.) A clock radio can be placed almost anywhere in room which allows you to position it for best view. A teddy bear, book, humidifier, or any of other nanny cams have natural restrictions on where you can place them.

10.) This Nanny Cam uses a.c. power and looks natural plugged into wall. No need to disguise power cords or worry about batteries. In most instances you'll be using nanny cam for extended periods of time. Batteries usually only last about 2-3 hours. To use a teddy bear cam or a book cam for this length of time you have to use a.c. power adapter. Don't you think an "Electric Teddy Bear" might look suspicious?

So my wife, with a permanent back condition amplifying stab of every contraction and reverberating it through spine with no momentary relief between contractions, felt every glorious minute – 487 in all – of unplanned "natural" childbirth. Did I mention that she is my hero? The third lesson is, when best-laid plans go astray, improvise (which might explain throwing up – I have reason to believe it was not planned, either).

My wife's trauma was nothing compared to what Little Sister overcame. Her shoulders got stuck, pinching umbilical cord and cutting oxygen supply from her not-quite-yet-born brain. To do equivalent, you would have to press your shoulder up into your nose, while a bulldozer on steroids pushes you in a river of blood through your mailbox. (Don't try this at home, folks.)

Thanks to Quick Thinking Doctor, focused team of nurses, and a well-sharpened pair of scissors, Little Sister is enjoying great suction at all-night milk bar with no more damage than a limp arm. (That's "brachial plexus injury" in medicalese.) The arm will hopefully recover. Even if it doesn't, we know what alternative would have been ... and we do not look good in black. Lesson number four is to appreciate what you have rather than worry about what you don't.

The Maternity Ward offers far too many lessons to share with you now. My fatigue is overtaking me. I feel like a wad of gum squished on asphalt, baked in sun, and stuck on a motorcycle tire burning rubber on a gravel trail. Ha! Bet you never felt like that in New York, New York.