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Instead of seeing
manager as just another person whose job happens to be to give others instructions about how to do their jobs, Angeliques of world see managers differently. They see managers as enemies with whom they need to struggle to prove that they are independent and autonomous.
Supervisors at work, and significant others in private life, are prime targets for their need to establish their independence by repeatedly creating and resolving power struggles.
Creating Appropriate Limits
Angelique had managed to create a power struggle with Ellen; and Ellen, like many forward thinking managers, was confused about what to do. Although she did not want to be Angelique’s parent, she did need to provide firm, matter-of-fact consequences for any team member who ignored important rules.
When Angelique experiences this discipline she can decide whether or not to give up struggle and act like a mature adult in workplace. Whether Ellen likes it or not, she probably can’t help Angelique become a productive member of unit without providing these consequences.
Ellen confirmed that this was probably necessary. She knows that Angelique grew up in a wealthy, overindulgent family and that Angelique’s father purchased a house for her to live in, and she has few financial responsibilities. Ellen noted, “She has trouble setting appropriate limits for some of patients she works with, too. Is this another sign of her need for limits?”
Once situation becomes clear, Ellen created a plan. She decided to warn Angelique that if she does not follow unit’s guidelines about working hours and appropriate notification, this month, she will have to punch time clock next month, and will have written notice warning her of termination placed in her file. “If she does not follow procedures with time clock, she will then be terminated.”
Ellen was relieved. “I want to get out of power struggle and supervise her appropriately. She is certainly intelligent enough to keep her job if she wants it.”
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Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. Email: media@laurieweiss.com Copyright 2004 Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
Laurie Weiss, Ph.D., author of Dare To Say It!, is an internationally known executive coach, psychotherapist, and author. For more simple secrets for turning difficult conversations into amazing opportunities for cooperation and success, visit http://www.DareToSayIt.com or email: feedback@laurieweiss.com
