6. Look inside a thesaurus to find new ways to say same old things.

7. Find three funny jokes and learn to tell them really well.

8. Get a makeover, new hairstyle, or all new socks & underwear.

9. Learn how to say, "I'm sorry" and mean it.

10. Look into eyes of strangers and hold their gaze long enough to see insecurity in all of us.

More tips and ideas can be found in Beyond Inner Critic by Skye Thomas.

Deb Matthews in "True Christian Stories": "There was just one problem with church! At end of song services, pastor would always tell congregation, 'Turn around and shake hands with someone, or if you're a woman, give another woman a hug.' Most of time, I would just shake hands with people around me, or a woman next to me might just put her arm around my shoulder and give me a gentle sideways hug. But there was this one woman that went all over place giving these big bear hugs to everyone, man or woman. I got to where I would check out where she was sitting and make sure I was a long way away from her. But it didn't seem to matter where I sat -- she still seemed to end up over where I was and give me one of those smothering hugs. The church was great except for all that hugging business." [she goes on to explain how she "overcame" her dread of being hugged !]

IT'S NOT JUST THE HUGGING

It's not just hugging. Merilee recently visited a friend in Alabama and was taken to a Sunday service. There was a huge video screen in front of room which scrolled lyrics to hymns, members of congregation got up to get coffee or cold drinks whenever they wanted, there was a live band with guitar, saxophone and keyboard, and an elaborate sound system. Merilee is an infp introvert and she said it was a bombardment of sounds, lights and people which kept her separated from any sense of spiritual. The children were elaborately dressed in expensive Victorian era clothing and, although truly adorable, their presence in service was also a distraction to Merilee's sense of divine.

Elle explains in her GARDEN BLOG, "When I got to church, opened door and saw room full of unknown people, I remembered my usual madness. I froze. I stood at door, surveyed room and was overwhelmed. These were my initial observations. It was loud. Way too loud. There was singing, shouting and dancing and I made a mental note to pinch Xxx for not getting me there and seated before hoopla began. This was a small room and a small congregation. There were musicians, a few people (not enough to be called a choir) singing and I was instantly uncomfortable. Not that I have a problem with praise and worship, but my few experiences with church have been very different. Usually there's a very quiet service where people give 'talks'and a choir sings a celestial rendition of Onward Christian Soldiers. This was not that."

Here are critiques of three churches in Maryland by someone who identifies himself only as "Bob". I have taken out all references to denomination so, exclusively on basis of form of service, which of these churches would you like to go to?

CRITIQUES

Church 1 Excellent musical accompaniment to service was performed by a choir of 12 men, percussion, electronic keyboard, saxophone and guitar. This first class entertainment was applauded during service and some songs got deserved standing ovations. Hugging happy greeter. Church started late because of talking and socializing. Laughter and applause joined energetic sermon.

Church 2 Mostly older adults. Some local families. College students. This is church for Xxx College. Wooden pews. Small choir. Everyone sings. Flute and piano. Quiet. Everyone is attentive. Impromptu humor. No pressure to join. Educational lecture as part of service.

Church 3 The ritual to follow and hymns to sing are printed in handout for everyone to easily participate. All hymns from 18th century. Folding chairs. Mostly adults. Individuals. No hand shaking during service. Easy to hear. Visitor may remain anonymous.

If you picked #2 of #3, chances are you're an introvert.

Despite humorous title of this article, excessive friendliness during worship seems contrived and uncomfortable to many introverts and may be keeping us away from communal worship in droves. If this is case with you, I encourage you to look further afield until you find a temple, church or synagogue that hnors intoverted way! And don't forget to be heard. We have a voice and it's a legitimate one. How will they know if we don't tell them?