"Many of us, however, flinch at 'the peace'. It spoils
privacy and dignity of worship, and we dread it like onslaught of dentist's drill." -- Letter to "The London Telegraph" Recently I've had some interesting conversations with an introvert in Midwest whose minister tries to grab him and hug him on way out of church every Sunday and I got to thinking ... how prevalent is this situation? Has recent trend toward hugging in American churches destroyed experience of community worship for typical introvert?
This is not an article about faith or God, or really even about booty, humorous title. It's an article about introverts and how we relate to others in social situations. Does your church or place of worship call itself "the hugging church"? Are you "invited" to stand up and turn around half way through service to share "the peace" with people you don't know?
My Midwestern friend has decided to speak bluntly to his minister and tell him to keep his hands to himself. I wonder that he hasn't considered changing churches. Few take offence at a soft handshake or nod, but even so, a polite "no thank you" will also suffice.
This uninvited touchy-feely stuff is not pleasing to an introvert and it's not that we're "cold" or "strange". Not at all. What we are is territorial. We're as territorial about our bodies and our body space as we are about our physical and emotional space. It's one of our strongest characteristics. If you want to know for sure whether or not you're an introvert, ask yourself one of these two questions, "Do people exhaust me?" and/or " How would I feel if someone sat down at my desk and started checking their email?"
It's our right as introverts to be territorial. We are a legitimate personality type.
Here are some comments from parishioners of churches of various denominations on this topic. As you read these statements, pay attention to how you feel.
Remember, it's OK not to like hugging or "glad-handing" as my introverted grandfather used to call it disdainfully. This doesn't make you a bad person.
COMMENTS FROM PARISHIONERS Meta Minton, editor of "The Southern Illinoisan": "On occasion, I attend a local, holly roller, hallelujah screaming, speaking in tongues, praying until you pass out, Pentecostal church. The congregation there is very warm and loving. Any service you attend, it is guaranteed that you will get hugged by everyone at least once."
Anonymous: "We've witnessed a trend in which new, contemporary churches -- where video screens and guitars are norm -- seem to be bursting at seams. The parking lots at those churches don't seem to be large enough for all those flocking in to hear message. At other end of spectrum, many of more traditional churches have slowly seen their numbers slide. Churches must change or they'll die...."
From "The London Telegraph": "What is troubling is practice of some members of congregation of approaching event with more gusto. These hearties do double hand-shakes like boxers at start of a bout. Wearing moony smiles and saying 'the peace' with soppy sincerity, they leap nave to greet strangers with full-bosomed embraces, sometimes even rendering victim breathless for several moments. 'Turn around and say hello to one another,' would be standard invitation from platform, at which point arms would be flung around anyone and everyone, whether they looked like they wanted a hug or not."
Pastor Bob of Xxx Church in Michigan: "The church is a place for hugging. I see it on Sunday mornings during our time of fellowship. I see hugging in Gold Room during coffee time. Our church is a good hugging church. In baseball, they have a DH - a designated hitter who bats instead of pitcher. At our church, we also have a DH - a designated hugger. I don't think she's even 5 feet tall, but this little dynamo, otherwise known as Xxx, is our DH. She hugs everyone with a smile on her face and love in her heart. "Bend over, Darlin', and give me a hug."
From "The London Telegraph": Mr. Moore, in his guise as a modern British Episcopalian, may be prepared to tolerate such assaults. Many of us, however, flinch at "the peace". It spoils privacy and dignity of worship, and we dread it like onslaught of dentist's drill."
