Domestic Violence is one of today's most common assault type crimes. It seems as if almost everyone either knows someone who was, or is a victim of domestic violence. Or, they either are, or were a victim themselves. There are a lot of myths associated with domestic violence that unfortunately are grossly misleading. In this article, I am going to address some of those myths and attempt to set record straight. Who am I, and what qualifies me? Well I am a former Police Officer of over 14 years, and I am author of book "Crime Awareness 101." Throughout my career as a Police Officer I have dealt with a lot of domestic violence situations, and have seen first hand what this crime does to both its direct and indirect victims.

"Domestic Abusers are extremely violent people"

     Though some domestic abusers are extremely violent people, they are actually minority. Most of domestic abusers we arrested never resisted or fought with us. Why? Because domestic abuse isn't about violence it's about control. The abuser wants to control their victim, and this control is enforced through physical violence, but underlining fact is control. This is why they will not fight with police, because they know they will not gain control. Another example is say abuser is at work, and his superior (who may even be a woman) asks him to do something that he may not want to do. He doesn't beat superior up because he doesn't have control. Yet at home, behind closed doors, he wants and gains control. This is a difficult concept for many to understand. To help explain this better I have listed a few common control issues found in domestic abusers.

• Monitoring victim's comings and goings in great detail.
• Isolating victim from family or friends.
• Discouraging victim from working, joining organizations, attending school, or leaving house.
• Constantly accusing victim of being unfaithful.
• Belittling or humiliating victim.
• Controlling all finances and forcing victim to account for what they spend in detail.
• Destroying personal property or sentimental items.
• Threatening to leave with children or saying they will never see children again.

     As you can see domestic violence is a control issue. Actually psychological damage done by this type of behavior is much greater then actual physical abuse.

"Domestic Violence only happens to poor people."

     Domestic Violence has no boundaries; it affects all levels of income. I had a one case where domestic abuser was an educated male who made a six figure income. His victim (former live in girlfriend) was an educated female who made a nice income herself. They both had good jobs, and lived in an expensive condo. Well he had beaten her so badly that she was hospitalized with a closed head injury. Talking with her later she stated that she could not believe she found herself in this situation. She stated that her abuser was a white collar worker who actually appeared on outside to be a harmless geek. In fact, her friends couldn't believe he was capable of this. A few days later we were called back to residence to stand by as peace officers, while woman packed up her stuff and moved out. During time that we were there, I noticed how she couldn't stop trembling. She was so afraid that her abuser would come back, and attack her while she was there. This was to spite fact that two Police Officers were with her whole time (remember this was many days later). What is sad this was not first time she was abused, but hopefully with her leaving it will be last. In case you're curious yes he was arrested.