Could it be that there is some force out there holding you back? Could it be your competitors, your family, your friends, or could it be something closer to home?

Could it be... an "inside job?"

Well, my dear friend let me share with you what I learned recently while attending a seminar given by Carole Dore. You may not know her name, but when I share with you what she taught, I'm sure you'll identify with her message!

Let me start by saying that you get what you focus on. So if you focus your thoughts on what you don't want in your life, you get more of what it is that you don't want. Most often, people know what they don't want and will typically be really quick to tell you so!

So let me ask you, what do you really want from your life. I mean, how often do you stop to think about your life in terms of how you would most like it to be, rather than how much you may not like way it is now?

Now, if you focus on what it is that you do want, you will get it... and often much more of it than you asked for!

You are your thoughts. In fact, our lives are merely printout of our innermost thoughts. And you thought that you could think whatever you wanted and that nobody could ever tell, right? You are your thoughts. You get what you think about most often.

If that is true, then look at your life, your business, and even your relationships right now. Do you like what you see? Are you happy with what you have? Or do you really want more?

What have you been thinking about? Do you focus on how little money you make in your business, so you actually begin to make LESS money? Do you spend your day complaining about your significant other so instead of making things better, they actually get worse as time goes on?

Are you constantly bothered by what your neighbor is doing instead of being focused on what you are doing?

Or, are you type of person who can really overlook all negative stuff that surrounds you and truly focus instead on what it is you really want in your life? If you are this type of person, I'll bet that your life is a happy one.

Do you think about your business in terms of what it is like to actually be owner of most successful business on block? Do you see yourself living good life, owning real estate, or even traveling world?

Many people actually do focus on what it is that they really want in their lives, and still they don't get what they want! Now, wait a minute, didn't I just say that you get what you focus on? You bet I did!

What happens is that you may focus on what you want until you encounter first obstacle to get in your way. At that very moment, your vision is crushed, and dream dies.

I saw movie Pearl Harbor over Memorial Day weekend. It served as a good reminder of tremendous cost of freedom. There is also a tremendous cost to not having freedom.

In a physical sense, most of us enjoy freedom. In an emotional or psychological sense, however, an estimated 80% of population puts themselves into a self-imposed prison cell on a regular basis. We forfeit our freedom of choice through our own thought processes. I frequently hear my clients say, "I have to" or "I gotta" or "I should" And when I hear those phrases I often ask, "Do you have to or do you choose to?" There are very few things in life that we have to do. Yet some of us forfeit our choice to point of seeing our options in life as limited. This generally leads to a feeling of hopelessness.

There are indeed times when you are not at choice. When you are not at choice, you may be a victim. And sometimes you might slip into victim role when, in fact, you do have choices. The first step toward getting out of a self-imposed victim role is to recognize choices you have.

Exercise Your Free Will

"Independent will is our capacity to act. It gives us power to transcend our paradigms, to swim upstream, to rewrite our scripts, to act based on principle rather than reacting based on emotion or circumstance." -Stephen Covey

We have been given ability to examine our conscious thoughts and choose how we react in any given situation. We learn at a very early age that if we act a certain way, we will achieve a certain result.

Often result we opt for is safety. And safety is necessary to preserve our physical well-being. However, our desire to be "safe" sometimes paralyzes our ability to exercise our free will. From childhood on, most of us have been programmed to "play it safe," and this often affects choices we make as adults. We tell ourselves, "That was so disappointing before, so I better not take that chance again."

Do you allow your fear of hurt, rejection, or failure to determine how much risk you are willing to take? What is cost of doing this? Perhaps you're stuck in a job or career path you hate, or you are in a relationship that does not serve you, or you've chosen not to pursue a relationship you want. Do you struggle with low self-esteem and self- confidence? If so, you are probably severely hampering your ability to manifest what you want in your life by convincing yourself that you should not try, or that you do not deserve what you really want. Our choices are strongly influenced by our disempowering emotions. By learning to recognize and step out of experiencing these emotions, a whole new world of possibility will be available to you.

I know this from personal experience. For 13 years I chose to stay in a stressful career that I did not find fulfilling. The more time I invested in that career path, less at choice I felt. At one point I took an exam to receive a special certification in my field. When I passed exam and was certified, I felt like there was no turning back! I told myself, "I can't leave this field now look how much I've invested in it!" And besides, I had no idea what else I could possibly do. Fear held me back, until one day pain of not making a change outweighed fear of unknown.

Susan Jeffers, author of Feel Fear and Do it Anyway, teaches us how to stop negative thinking patterns and reeducate our minds to think more positively. In her book, she shows us how to risk a little every day, how to turn every decision into a "No-Lose" situation, and much more.

When my clients focus on their values -- what is most important to them at core -- they are more at choice and less at effect. They recognize that they have freedom to choose based on their own values, versus being influenced by limiting beliefs, circumstances, or opinions of others. One of great joys of being a coach is that I get to journey with my clients as they create work and play they are most passionate about. When passion and talents/skills intersect, there is no limit to possibilities!

Inside-Out Thinking

"If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all." -Anna Quindlen

Most of us grew up with an "outside-in" model of thinking. In other words, we have been influenced by advice and opinions of others rather than trusting answers from within. When we follow outside-in model, results do not usually bring about a deep level of satisfaction or fulfillment. Outside-in thinking means that we try to change, improve, or transform ourselves and our circumstances based on what others think. Outside-in thinking represents a reactive model, based on external circumstances. Not only is this less effective, but it usually takes more effort and energy.