However, in episodes that followed, there was bonding, friendship and attraction between Melana and a number of guys. It actually began to look as though she was falling for at least one or two of them. Then came twist. The "gorgeous" guys were sent in to challenge Joes and test Melana's ability to see past surface and choose based on what each man had to offer as a total package.

At that point, what were you thinking? Who was your front-runner? Did you think it possible that bonds that had been formed would be strong enough to hold Melana's attention- and heart? I'm guessing that many people did. I know a lot of people were routing for Adam or Zack.

So, what happened? In days that followed final episode, virtually all of commentary centered on a very basic and "simple" explanation of Melana's choice. They all said it was about "looks".

While I agree that physical attraction played a significant role, I believe Melana's choice involved more than this. How we choose has to do with many things. These include:

* physical attraction * shared interests * social compatibility and friendship * intellectual compatibility * ability to communicate * basic values * level of self-knowledge * level of maturity and dating experience * personal and family goals

I am going to do a brief examination of how these played a role in Melana's final decision. Follow along with me and think about how these factors come into play in your meeting and dating life. Perhaps Melana's public struggle with these can provide some valuable insights into how you choose potential partners and assist you in your desire to make best (and healthiest) choice for you.

Let me begin by stating an obvious point that we are all aware of. The circumstances and setting of meeting and dating that takes place on a "reality" show have little resemblance to real world of dating. Dates are chosen, as is person who will be doing choosing. They are sequestered in a beautiful, romantic place where all their physical needs are attended to and everyone can present themselves in their best light. The real world of money, time, energy and need for making dating plans are all handled by professionals who go "all out". Even though contestants spend weeks together, they are not confronted with real life issues that singles in dating world must deal with. Therefore, circumstances are idyllic. This has pros and cons. I think we all have a pretty good idea of what these are. The major plus is that everyone can present themselves "equally". The major drawback is that each relationship is limited to this fantasy existence, and there is no opportunity to see each other deal with day to day challenges of real life.

Stepping back into episodes prior to inclusion of "hunks", can you recall great dates that Melana had with guys? The group dates were full of laughs and bonding on a friendship level. We all enjoyed watching Dennis get to top and see support and caring that were shown towards him. With each week, Melana discussed and demonstrated attractions she was forming with different guys on different levels. A few rose to front of line as she eliminated based on not just looks, but on "connection" she felt with each. Indeed, she used this word a lot. This connection was formed by elements of:

* social compatibility and friendship * ability to relate * comfort level * basic attraction

Title: A NEW YEARS RESOLUTION: YES or NO? Author: Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW Email: mailto:editor@overcoming-depression.com copyright: by Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW Web Address: http://www.Overcoming-Depression.com Word Count: 561 Category: Self-Help

A NEW YEARS RESOLUTION: YES or NO?

I've heard it said that by end of January, over 90% of individuals who make New Years resolutions don't remember what they were. Why is this so?

People are often sincere, however, they are not yet in right place for big changes in their lives. Many others want to continue same behaviors, such as eating wrong things, and still reap rewards of increased levels of energy and weight loss.

The most important question for you is... are you ready for a change? And, if answer is "yes," second question is... how ready are you?

You have your own pace. I respect that in you. I hope you do too. Too many folks know they need to make a change and beat themselves up because they are not on schedule they feel they "should" be on. You're on schedule you're on.

The "New Year" provides symbolism for "clearing out old" and "bringing in new." In that capacity alone, it is a golden opportunity for a fair review of your life. But, if there's one thing I'd wish for you it would be that this year you take your learning to a new level. A year is too long to wait to complete a personal inventory. Several of you will have a few too many drinks on New Years Eve to really be serious about personal change.