Sometimes when I am working on computer, I feel like a three-year-old. At least, I think I feel like a three-year-old. I try to do some function that I haven't done in a while, and I look at computer screen wondering how I did it. When I am utterly confused, I'll phone one of my daughters and ask, "How do I…?" Fortunately for me, they always laugh and say, "Oh, Momma!"

What does this have to do with a three-year old? A three-year-old is having new experiences, learning new skills and working on self-mastery of those skills, just like I do on computer. Some days they can do something on their own, and other days they need assistance. This is because learning occurs in three stages, as follows:

At first stage, we can do an activity with assistance. At second stage, we can do an activity when we are asked to do it. At third stage, we can do activity independently and are fully aware of when it needs to be done.

In example of my computer skills, trying to learn how to double-line format was a challenge. The first time, I had to be shown series of steps. First stage. Then I could do it when someone reminded me of steps. Second stage. I am proud to report that I can now do it with no assistance and no reminders. Third stage, or independence.

As we learn new skills, we go back and forth between stages one and two. What leads us to independence is repeating activity with additional instruction. This independence allows us to obey a command or request.

Obey. We tend to think that it means, "to carry out a command without question." The word obey comes from Latin oboediere, meaning "to listen or to hear." To obey, we listen and then make a choice to follow command. If we hear a command from someone we trust, we will usually choose to carry out command, if we know how to do it and have no conflicting information. We can also follow a command out of fear. To casual observer it might appear in both instances that command has been followed without question.

For participants in an activity, command giver/command follower, teacher/student or parent/child, dynamics of fear and trust create a relationship. To build a relationship based on trust, it is critical to understand skills necessary to accomplish a command.

Most three-year-olds have a strong desire to please adults in their lives and are willing to do what we ask. What children lack are experience and skill. We can look at their ability to obey or level of obedience in this way:

First Level: will | no experience | no skill Second Level: will | experience | no skill Third Level: will | experience | skill

In a trusting relationship, child is eager to learn new activities. Remembering all steps in an activity is difficult, and children need to be shown many times. Because they are keen to learn, children are always watching others, which is a reason to be a good example.

I was impressed to hear Robin take responsibility for situation. Television is an easy thing to let take over, with big screens and DVD players, surround sound, 100 cable stations and children's stations. Children are usually quiet when they are watching TV, so it can ease into our lives with no awareness. Video and computer games could be included in this discussion.

Children under age of six want to be near you all time it seems. Why fight it? Use it to your advantage. How? By setting up an activity center in your home. In a short time, center will be more satisfying to your children than television.

I recommend that every home with small children have a child-sized table and chairs. Small shelves can be purchased inexpensively at an office supply or discount store. White melamine boards and glass blocks purchased from a building supply also make an attractive three-shelf unit for an activity center. The kitchen, dining room or family room are good areas to put your activity center.

After you have shelves, put six to ten activities on shelves in baskets or trays. A crafty friend of mine used wallpaper to cover oatmeal and shoe boxes for their center. This is a sample of what might be on shelves:

• A puzzle board • A basket of duplo blocks • A wooden bead stringing exercise • A shoe lacing activity • A basket of three or four books • A basket of wooden blocks • Button sorting in a muffin tin or egg carton

For four-year-olds and up, add art activities such as colored pencils and paper on a tray, homemade salt dough with a plastic place mat or a mosaic gluing activity with a glue stick and colored bits of paper.

Show your children how to use these things properly and how to return them to order on shelves. You might want to change out items every week or two. Give children about a week to get used to using activities.