Selling is everyone’s lifeblood whether they realize it or not. We all sell in sense that we attempt to convince others to go our way. That is way that we want something to go whether we are convincing our children, our coworkers, bosses, spouses, clients or customers.
There is a style of convincing others, influencing or “selling” for everyone. Understand we are using term “selling” here very loosely. I bet many of you are saying, “I don’t sell people. I hate that!” Although this may sound like it’s about sales, it really isn’t. You’ll understand shortly but indulge me for a minute. There are several types of popular styles of selling: relationship selling, non-manipulative selling, pressure selling, what’s-important-about-that-to-you selling. Whatever approach and philosophy that works for you is fine. Actually, we’re not trying to change your personal style of selling. But if we can give you additional insight to influencing others regardless of who they are, would that be helpful? “Yes.”
Let me ask you, when you really connect with someone, isn’t that a wonderful experience? When this happens, you connect with them and feel closer in a shorter period of time then with someone else you may have known for years. What happens here? You click, connect, have great rapport, and there may even be chemistry between you. You know you are being heard and listened too. Wow, isn’t that wonderful when it happens! Wouldn’t it be great if we could increase our opportunities to connect with each other in general? It can be done.
There is a universal unspoken language based on observable behavior. What that means is, we can see behavior just by watching others. We look for tone of voice, pace, body language and words used. These are clues that help us to identify how to communicate better with that person.
Research has shown that behavioral characteristics can be grouped together into four quadrants or styles. People with similar styles tend to exhibit specific types of behavior common to that style. A person’s behavior is a reflection of who they are naturally. According to William A. Marston, “All people exhibit all four behavioral factors in varying degrees of intensity.”
This model categorizes how we act. Nothing more. It is simply used as a tool for more effective communications between people. Sound good? You bet.
In all cultures studied, model has been found to be valid. All cultures have people who are outgoing, expressive and animated. All cultures have people who are more cool, aloof, introverted and analytical. Ask yourself, is this person people-oriented or task-oriented? Are they an introvert or an extrovert? Because you can learn to see answers, it is observable. It is a universal language because it has no cultural boundaries. Are you intrigued? You’re probably saying, that’s all great but how does this apply to me getting my way? Oh, we are so self-centered at times. When you are getting your way, I trust it is for benefit of all who are affected by decision. Because what we are talking about is not for self-centeredness, manipulation or control.
Any time we have greater understanding of ourselves, it provides us opportunities to make best of an interpersonal communication process. That insight provides a solid foundation from which to move forward. If we know we have a particular habit that may interfere with communication process; we can work on improving how we communicate. For example, if we know we are not best listeners in world, we can work to improve our listening skills. If we tend to come on too strong for some people, we may choose to tame it down in those situations. When you know yourself, you have choice to modify your own behavior so other person can be ready to hear what you are saying. Let me repeat that, this is a very important point, “When you know yourself, you have choice to modify your own behavior so other person can be ready to hear what you are saying.”
Again this is not about manipulation or controlling others; it is taking control of ourselves! It is about you having a true desire to be best communicator you can possibly be. The goal is to communicate on a level so family member, coworker or customer can relate to what you say. When we communicate in a manner that is appealing and open, person is more likely to feel connected to us and understand and be open to what is being said by you. The results are better communications for everyone’s benefit. Not only will it improve sales; benefits will spill over into all areas of communications in our personal and professional lives. Many of us need improved relationships with our family, friends, and customers, do you? Just simply having greater understanding of communication styles is a big step. We know we really can’t change others, only ourselves.