So much is written today about taking care of our parents as they age. Monitoring medical care, determining living arrangements and providing emotional support are new roles that we have taken on to help our parents age gracefully and with dignity. We are “Sandwich Generation,” growing number of adult children squeezed between needs of an aging parent and demands of our own children, spouses and careers. But not much is written about stage prior to this phase. That time when our parents are still healthy and active and still very much involved in our own lives. I am talking about that period of time when you, yourself, are an active adult, with a family and a husband and life of your very own. That is when struggle to be an adult with your parents begins. So, which Mom really knows best?

As a Relationship Coach, I often hear, “My mother can get under my skin in less than 10 seconds.” After all these years, your parents can still find ways to throw you off-balance and resurrect old habits. They are your biggest fans and your harshest critics. And, whether we like to admit it or not, we continue to want their approval no matter how old, how independent or how successful we are. In short, your parent’s opinions remain extremely important. We want our Moms to respect our choices and admire lives that we created. After all, isn’t our success a reflection of their efforts as a mother? But sometimes, they seem so quick to criticize. So what can we do? Find New Ways to Connect As a fellow mother and wife, we assume that best way to connect with our mothers is on issues of parenting, family and marriage. However, these are often hot-bed issues which lead to unwanted advise. Discover other mutual interests to talk about and share. Talk about politics, take walks, meet at gym, garden together, go to movies or theater, bring your Mother to your job so she can see where you work and meet colleagues, join a book club. Enrich your relationship by finding other ways to connect and other issues to talk about.

More than likely those memories include family traditions from, day you choose to decorate your tree, to kinds of food you eat at holidays.

Remember that you and your husband came from separate families with different customs and traditions.

When creating a legacy for your children, it is appropriate to use a couple traditions from each of your families and come up with some new ones for your own family. Don’t try to do them all or you’ll end up feeling overwhelmed rather than enriched. Here are some ideas.

Kick off holiday season by attending an event every year. Some suggestions are: The Festival of Trees, attend a play such as A Christmas Carol, or a Christmas concert.

Together, bake a cake on Christmas Eve for Jesus to remind you whose birthday you are really celebrating. Light a candle and even sing “Happy Birthday” to Him.

Sound, smells and tastes can certainly bring back fond memories of past Christmases. The sound that is Christmas to me is Johnny Mathis’s Christmas album, which my mother played each year and I still adore now.

The food that means “holiday” to me is a Frozen Fruit Salad recipe. We had it almost every holiday season. What are sounds, smells and tastes that evoke your Christmas memories? Include those as part of your family’s traditions.

This tradition was submitted by Marilyn Brina: On Christmas morning, youngest child goes in and opens his stocking. The other children go in and open their stockings all while Dad is taking movies of us. Then Dad hands out each gift and we all watch as each gift is opened. Then after gifts are opened, we eat scrambled eggs, sweet rolls and hot chocolate for breakfast.

There are several books of compiled Christmas short stories available in bookstores and libraries. Read to your family each night before bedtime.