What did I do? I immediately gave her an answer back within conversation as well. It was subtle unlike my husband who would stop her dead in her tracks without sugar coating. What I think is wrong with his tactic? Not much, only that I would prefer it for someone who can't keep their mouth shut all time. Sometimes people speak without thinking, so I like to give them benefit of doubt.

What do we have in common? Even though we have different tactics, we both make an effort to defend ourselves. I'm sure some are wondering what ever happened with turning other cheek theory? Is just not that healthy, when ever someone tries to make you feel inferior by making sarcastic remarks, name calling, joking at your expense, disregarding your opinion etc. it is verbal abuse, and believe it or not it can affect your self esteem a great deal. Next time someone intents to maliciously tear down your confidence, in a firm voice say/do one of followings

It’s a common misconception that telling someone your version of “the truth” is helpful to them, and evidence of virtue in you.

Actually it often amounts to a projection or rationalization that harms, serving your purpose and not other’s.

There are professions where delivering bad news is what they do. Physicians, psychologists, and managers routinely must tell people they have stage four cancer, or are mentally ill, or are going to be fired. It’s their job.

Teachers and parents are also required to instruct children about behavior, manners, appearance and character.

However, this does not carry over to private lives and relationships of adults.

Dating involves risk of rejection. Typically it involves ambivalence. We start out testing at every turn who person is, what it’s like to be with them, and how good fit is. It provides many opportunities for kindness or meanness, many opportunities for you to be at your best, or at your worst.

“Discretion is better part of valor,” said Shakespeare’. This means be brave but also sensible. Be courageous, not reckless; authentic but also sensitive.

If you have a criticism to make of someone you’re dating, use your EQ. Think it over carefully before you speak. Be especially careful in intimate moments when chemicals are dreamy and inhibitions are down. You can blurt out something you may regret at a time when they’re wide open.

Ask yourself these questions:

·Is it projection – something you’ve got yourself that you’re passing over to other? Is it really your temper you’re concerned about and not theirs? ·Will what you have to say cause more harm than good? ·Is it something other person can do something about? (I can lose 20 lbs., but I can’t become 10 years younger.) · Is it more important to you to be “right” than in relationship? ·Are you observing sloppy boundaries, dragging your last lover or partner into this new relationship and comparing? ·Is it really a control issue? ·Is there a better time and place to say this, or a better way to address it entirely? ·Might it naturally take care of itself? ·Are you emotionally unavailable, destined to find fault with everyone? ·Are you coming from your ego, or from your heart?

Consider also circumstances, patterns and likelihood of something recurring. In other words plain-out appropriateness of what you’re thinking of saying.

For instance, you’re on your third date, he’s taken you dancing, he’s sweating like a stuck pig and smells bad. Yes, you could tell him. On other hand, you’re in an open-air dance hall, it’s 90 degrees on dance floor, they’ve been playing nothing but polkas for 30 minutes, and there’s nothing he can do about it at that moment. Wouldn’t kindest thing be to ignore it?

You will either (1) never see him again, or (2) be around him next time you’re getting ready to go out and can suggest a bit more deodorant. “Remember how hot it was last time we were dancing?” say you. “Don’t forget deodorant, darling.”