Here are some maintenance log entries from a major airline – or so email says, showing problems reported by pilots (P) and solutions recorded by mechanics (S).
It’s probably true. You couldn’t make these things up.
P: Left inside main try almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main try.
P: Test flight OK, except autoload very rough. S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid. S: No 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 & 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That’s what they’re there for!
P: OFF inoperative. S: OFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windscreen. S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. [The pilot meant engine ‘misfiring’.]
P: Aircrafts handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Radar hums. S: Reprogrammed radar with words.
P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.
Communication is hard in work world, and in our private lives. Someone said “Whatever you say, assume it’s been misunderstood,” and it’s probably a good idea.