You Teach People How to Treat YouWritten by Rhoberta Shaler
So often we hear people ask question, "Why does he/she hey treat me/us so badly?". The honest answer, in most cases, is "Because you let him, her or they!"If that seems too simple an answer, think of it this way. You make a date for lunch with someone new. They arrive twenty minutes late, citing traffic, office hold ups, weather, their car or their kids. Of course, things do happen to detain even best intentioned person. You accept apology and have a lovely lunch. The next time you have lunch with this person, they are thirty minutes late. Aha, there may be a pattern developing. What do you do? Unless you do not mind this behavior, you then have opportunity to teach that person how to treat you. Good communication skills come into play. You can say something like, "One of things I've found works for me is to be honest with people. I really enjoy your company and would like to continue meeting for lunch. I know things come up at last minute and sometimes traffic can be horrendous. I'd like us to agree that either of us can leave if other is more than fifteen minutes late? Would that be all right with you?" This clearly communicates what you need and want without ascribing blame. It builds relationship when you make clear agreements with people. Would it be all right with you if an employee came to work consistenly one-half hour late? No, there is an agreement about starting time, isn't there? The same is true of our own time.
| | Building the Bond in your RelationshipWritten by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com
A bond (relationship wise) is when two people have a connection. Being attracted to each other and sharing common values and interests brought two of you together as a couple, but bond has not been set completely. Besides fact that you have love and care between you, you also need to see whether or not two of you are friends. Is it possible to be friends? Absolutely! As a matter of fact, it is a must if two of you are going to build a lasting bond. Having a strong longing and passion for another is important, but is not enough fuel to keep bond running. With friendship, your relationship will remain having that strength under all kinds of circumstances. There will be times, for example, when you as a couple are not living in your most passionate times. This is natural and does not mean there is no longer love or desire. As your relationship deepens, you will go through many experiences and stages that may put your romance and frequent hot sex aside for a while. This is where friendship comes in and why it is so important. You should be there for each other and understand your partner’s situations and concerns. Just take a look at your friends. See what makes your friendship with them so great. You then need to see if your partner has those same similarities or exact (sticking up for you when you need back up for instance) qualities. Another point to keep in mind is keeping yourself aware of what behavior you would not except from a friend. You should definitely not accept those behaviors from your mate (like standing you up all time) either. It is not easy to put our friends and lovers in same comparison because we are in love with our partners, and therefore will be more patient with them than we would with our friends. You can easily blind yourself due to love you feel for that person and not even realize when he or she is not being a good friend and partner to you. How can you tell? A true friendship is basically same as true qualities that define real love. The difference is, we are in love and have a deep desire for our mates, with commitment and a goal of building a future, and perhaps even getting married and making a family together. The list below will help you see if your lover is a friend to you as well. 1.You can talk to and confide in each other about anything. 2.Your partner is there for you when you need to talk to someone. 3.Being able to always rely on each other when one is counted on. 4.Having a permanent shoulder to cry on when we need it 5.Having many things in common 6.Accepting one another for who we are 7.Listening to us and considering our opinions important Do not feel guilty for having higher expectations from your lover either. People often feel like they should be more lenient and understanding when it comes to their lovers. Even though it is important to keep an understanding attitude (to avoid misunderstandings and arguments), you should never let things always slide or make up excuses for your partner’s wrong doings. You should expect better and not except such behavior. You deserve better. After all, you invest most of your emotions and time into your partner, so always remember that you are entitled to receive same.
|
