You Made A Mistake? Way To Go!Written by Rosella Aranda
You Made A Mistake? Way To Go! Mistakes have gotten a really bad rap. Whether you call it an error, a blunder, a screw-up, a faux pas, a gaffe or a boo-boo, no one wants to be guilty of committing one. The fear of not performing "up to snuff" leads many people to procrastinate or even worse, never to act at all. For many, this has become a major debilitating problem. Besides obvious lack of productivity and numerous aborted projects, this pathological postponement of duties leads to: -a guilty conscience -inability to enjoy our free time -harsh internal criticism -severe mental conflict -rationalization (that even we ourselves don't believe) -lowered self-esteem Our list is hardly complete but it's already hideous enough. SO WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL ALREADY? Why does making a mistake seem like such a life and death situation for so many of us? I believe it has to do with fact that for many of us, doing things right, learning quickly, being a smart kid, was likely one of major sources of appreciation or approval we ever got. It may have been ONLY time we got noticed. In fact, for those of us who were quick studies, few times that we were not able to catch on with lightning speed caused us great discomfort, as if we were about to be robbed of our only source of approval, our one and only avenue of acceptance. As children, although we may have been praised when we did something right, we were probably ignored, admonished or even ridiculed when we weren't able to perform so flawlessly. As young children, this type of reaction provided us a mirror or reflection of who we were based solely on our performance. It defined our value. As adults, although we might realize intellectually that making a mistake is not a big deal, that it is a simply part of a learning process, we still have a tendency to respond from a deep emotional level that is no longer relevant. WOULD EVERYONE WHO IS NOT HERE PLEASE LEAVE? We need to tell these invisible critics to shut up, please leave room, take a flying leap, or whatever else occurs to us at moment. We've allowed them to hang around for far too long. Personally, I prefer more courteous approach, but since no one is REALLY around to get their feelings hurt, you may wish to just tell these ghosts to get hell out! The crucial point is that you make your intention to banish these disembodied voices crystal clear to yourself. In
What Forgiveness Is NotWritten by Rosella Aranda
Is a grudge-laden heart sabotaging your success in business and in life? Much has been written over ages about value of forgiveness. And yet so many people continue to resist idea of forgiving their transgressors. Why is this? I believe there are a couple of factors at play. First, although people might want to forgive, they donít want culprit to ďget off scot-free.Ē Letís examine this more closely. There are many misconceptions about forgiveness, so I would like to point out what forgiveness does NOT do. (We shall refer to transgressor as X.) ~ Forgiveness does NOT condone actions of your perpetrator X. ~ By forgiving X, you are not saying that what X did was okay. Youíre just willing to quit stewing about it. Chances are, it wasnít okay, but thereís not much you can do to change history. It happened, itís over, get over it. Donít let it ruin your peace of mind a moment longer. ~ Forgiveness does NOT diminish severity of transgression. ~ By forgiving X, you are not saying that harm he caused you was of no consequence. Indeed, you may still be dealing with negative results of his actions. But by being willing to forgive X, you are allowing yourself to quit wasting precious energy on anger and put it to good use building yourself up instead. You survived transgression. Now itís time for you to thrive. ~ Forgiveness does NOT absolve X of his guilt. ~ Even if you were willing to, you could not clear Xís conscience for him. He will have to appeal to a higher celestial court for absolution. That is between X and his conscience; it is not your affair. So you see, forgiveness does not let other guy off hook. It lets YOU off hook. By refusing to forgive other person, you are condemning yourself to being stuck. And this ďbeing stuckĒ tends to infiltrate and poison every area of oneís life. Itís a bit like trying to drive your car with brakes on. Consider forgiveness as a gift you give to yourself. Now letís look at another nearly opposite reaction. Some people are quick to claim blanket forgiveness for everyone and everything, without even knowing what it is they are pardoning. This is a fine gesture, but it is hardly effective. Why? Because you cannot forgive a transgression which has never been acknowledged. You canít just leapfrog over all buried pain and expect relief. You must first acknowledge harm that was done.
The acknowledgement consists of: - Admitting harmful nature of what was done to you.
- Feeling pain that youíve struggled unconsciously for years to keep down. - Expressing anger that accompanies these realizations (by writing, exercising, beating a pillow, wailing, thrashing about, etc.)