Below are three simple ideas that will help guide you to re-build your life on your own.

1. Become firmly grounded in present moment.

If you find yourself on other side of a relationship, it is important that you have a deep awareness of what you are feeling in present moment. Continually check in with yourself. Notice what is going on with you if you are experiencing emotional upset. Your body is always in present, but where is your mind?

It may be very tempting for you to delve into your past replaying events over and over again in your head. The reality is, you can't change your past, so trying to do so is futile. Just accept everything as it is. Find peace around thought that both of you were operating to best of your ability, given circumstances, at any moment in time. Equally futile is casting your mind into future, wondering what life could have, would have, should have been like had you stayed with your partner. The truth is that your future is going to look somewhat different to what you may have previously anticipated. Do your best to accept it.

If you manage to stay in present moment, most of pain you will experience will be growing pains. You are transforming from one state of being to another. It's not going to be easy. Whether your new state of being is a good one largely comes down to choices you make. If you take responsibility for where you are right now you will slowly begin to see you life unfold as it should.

The second main component of first habit is around what Covey calls "circle of influence". While this is quite a basic concept, it probably will have biggest influence on your behaviour as it did mine.

The problem I have so early in my "Strive for leadership" is deciding where I turn first, there seems so much I need to learn and so many tools or habits I need to focus on that I simply have not time to do them all. How similar is this to when you want to lead? You want to start to make a real difference and feel as a leader you have some sort of obligation to do so. This habit will help direct you.

Circle of Influence (COI): The concept is that everyone has a limit to their influence. Things over which we have no influence, are outside this circle. It's about recognizing that there are things over which we have no influence. Sounds easy! What's for breakfast, what book to read? How about Global warming, or local tax rates?

Circle of Concern (COC): Covey also talks about a "circle of concern". This circle includes all things that we are significantly concerned about. This tends to be easier. However it does require us to grade these concerns. There is an underlying assumption that you can only be concerned about a limited number of things. For some of us this is hard. The point is really 'most' concerned. I find this worked fo me at different levels - at work, at home and personally. I still found though I could only have three general issues at each of these levels and had to accept that there were some things that I was not as concerned about as I felt I should be. This is about passion, and while it's a whole other topic I had to question what concerns I was most passionate about. This certainly helped me in this process.

The lesson is in balance and where we spend our time and effort.

My experience is that both my COI and COC are smaller than I initially thought and that assessment of both is interrelated.

I became distracted by issues that I had some, but not a lot, of influence over. My level of concern became driver to trying to justify some influence. What I was confusing was actual and goal.