It seems as if creating successful relationships with our significant others and parenting children are two of most difficult jobs we face and yet we get no formal training in either. It’s as if people believe that we are born with an inherent ability to do these two things. Yet, look around us. In US, divorce rate is slightly over 50%! I don’t know anywhere but baseball where a 50% average is a good thing.
Couples go through life getting along when times are good; and fighting with, ignoring, or leaving each other when things get tough. Most people believe that to seek help with their relationships means to admit a certain kind of defeat that says something about who they are as a person. Or possibly, they believe that relationships are something we are just supposed to be able to manage on our own. Or, finally, some people believe that those out there helping couples can’t know any more than they do. After all, what’s to know about keeping relationships together?
Well, truth is that there is a whole lot to learn when it comes to relationships. Unfortunately, only training most of us ever receive is passive learning we get through modeling of adults who live in our house with us and media. Now, I don’t know about you, but my parents had only received informal training they got from their parents, and they from my great grandparents and so on back through generations. There is so much more to know about relationships than that!
Also, my parents have helped support that 50% statistic cited earlier in that they divorced sometime around their 25th wedding anniversary. What I learned about relationships from watching them is that couples never argue, especially in front of children. On surface, my parents had a very happy marriage but my father experienced a stereotypical mid-life crisis and suddenly questioned meaning of “life” and decided marriage was holding him back somehow.
In some ways, this type of training may have been as bad as those who have parents who argue all time. Disagreements are a natural by-product of relationships. It is virtually impossible for two people to come together and create a life without some of their ideals, values, opinions or day-to-day activities coming into conflict with each other. The question becomes how couple manages this conflict.
There are many things to consider when speaking about couples and their challenges and areas for growth and development. The first is compatibility. I know there is an expression that says opposites attract and I believe there is some accuracy in that statement when you think of attraction as that chemical interaction that occurs when two people meet and are attracted. This chemical attraction doesn’t care what other person’s values are, what is important to him or her, personality characteristics involved, or what either of you likes to do in your spare time. Compatibility is a key for a successful, healthy relationship. Go to www.therelationshipcenter.biz and take free Assessment to determine your compatibility with your partner.