You Are Being Watched

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Life & EQ Coach


There’s a piece circulatingrepparttar Internet now called “When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking.” It’s attributed to “a former child,” so I don’t know whom to credit. It begins with, “When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you hang my painting onrepparttar 128814 refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.” It’s aboutrepparttar 128815 things we inadvertently ‘teach’ our kids.

Its many examples show we teach not what we know, but who we are, which is as true inrepparttar 128816 workplace as it is inrepparttar 128817 home, regardless ofrepparttar 128818 age of participants. It pertains to emotional intelligence, which I coach, which includesrepparttar 128819 competency of Intentionality – doing what you intend to do.

EQ means understanding emotions (yours and others’), being able to manage and express them appropriately, and understandingrepparttar 128820 effect you have on others. Like learning about pride in work inrepparttar 128821 example above, we can’t learn EQ just by reading about it. We can’t ‘get it’ by listening to someone else talk about it. We need to see it in action. We also need to put something out there and observerepparttar 128822 results. To learn, we need to have pointed out to us what is going on, during and afterrepparttar 128823 fact, becauserepparttar 128824 emotional component can fog our thinking.

You are being watched, yes, and you are also being misinterpreted.

INTERPRETING NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR

Whatever we are trying to teach our children, or those around us, it isn’t stretching a point to say that a child could misinterpretrepparttar 128825 hanging of a painting onrepparttar 128826 refrigerator. You never know how a child is going to put things together, just as you never know how another adult will. One little fellow in my household was incensed that I had hung his painting onrepparttar 128827 refrigerator, not proud. Inrepparttar 128828 ensuing discussion, it turned out he thought if I’d really liked it, I would’ve framed it and hung it onrepparttar 128829 wall. “That’s for babies,” he said, pointing atrepparttar 128830 refrigerator.

I watched a scenerepparttar 128831 other day inrepparttar 128832 workplace, where a boss had foisted a stiff deadline on her assistant. The assistant looked intense as she startedrepparttar 128833 job, then had to move to another desk whenrepparttar 128834 computer locked up.

The boss started massaging her shoulders, saying, “I hate to stress you this way.”

The assistant had sensitive neck muscles, sorepparttar 128835 massage caused pain instead of relief. It was also distracting. Also, because ofrepparttar 128836 statement, she had to worry about her boss’ feelings as well as her own plus dorepparttar 128837 job.

The assistant turned, drew a deep breath and said, with a big smile on her face, “I appreciaterepparttar 128838 massage, but it hurts and it’s distracting. I’m trying to concentrate. I’m not angry at being asked to do this, and not angry at you. What I am is frustrated because ..” and she listedrepparttar 128839 chronic computer inadequacies. “What would help,” she said, “is if you would …” and gave her boss something concrete to do that would forwardrepparttar 128840 task.

Later, whenrepparttar 128841 job was finished, they took uprepparttar 128842 conversation again. “I like to shine,”repparttar 128843 assistant said, “and I can’t when I don’t haverepparttar 128844 proper equipment.”

The boss made a note to address that problem.

PROCESSING EMOTIONALLY-LADEN EVENTS

The same scenario is played out daily in every office. There’s no way two people won’t be affected byrepparttar 128845 feelings ofrepparttar 128846 other; and, counter-intuitively, if one is trying to hide feelings,repparttar 128847 effect is even greater. The less they’re expressed,repparttar 128848 more they’ll be open to misinterpretation.

We can’t know what’s going on with someone else unless we ask. In today’s multicultural offices, it’s particularly dangerous to assumerepparttar 128849 meaning of an action, gesture or expression. Did you know that inrepparttar 128850 Middle East, one ofrepparttar 128851 most insulting things you can do is show another personrepparttar 128852 sole of your shoe? Tell that torepparttar 128853 lawyer whose office I enteredrepparttar 128854 other day, who routinely talks onrepparttar 128855 phone with his feet onrepparttar 128856 desk, soles pointing towardrepparttar 128857 incoming visitor!

Cure Against Depression and Low Self Confidence

Written by Ingela Berger


Depression strikes most of us and it can make us paralysed. It is essential that we do not let it get too much influence on our lives.

Cure against depression

Practise this cure on a day off.

* Have a healthy and balanced breakfast in your dressing gown. * Take a warm shower or sauna. * Rub your skin with body lotion and your feet with foot creme. * Put on some comfortable clothes. * Go for a long walk. * When you come back home, make yourself a cup of hot tea on St. John's Wort, rosemary or lavender. * Make yourself comfortable in your favourite armchair. * Read a good book or magazine. * Listen to your favourite music. (It should be cheerful) * Make sure you are warm. Slippers and a blanket may come handy. * Be sure to have fresh air inrepparttar room. Take some deep breaths to fill your lungs.

Great self confidence can be learned

You can learn how to be confident about who you are and what you can do. You can learn how to tolerate uncertainty and be confident with not knowing what is going to happen.

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